Water is my enemy right now. Karl's issues with water whether it be
he has to wash his hands just right or if he get water on his shirt he
was a new shirt is causing problems with potty training. I know he would
use the potty more if I give into his OCD but there is no way I can't
afford that much water. When he was doing well with the going potty, he
would go about every 45 minutes, then it is 15 minutes with washing and
having to have a drying then another 15 upset he got his shirt wet. We
would get about 15 minutes calm and then he starts all over again. Now
that I am pushing against his OCD with water he is using the potty less.
I could be wrong but I think it is more important at this time to help
him cope with his OCD then to get him potty trained. I think if I can
get him to relax about washing his hands then potty training will be a
lot easier. Today he got water on his shirt and refused to put his coat
on because he wanted a new shirt and I refused to let him change. So I
took him out to the bus without his coat, I think I surprised him. Good
thing it was about 36 degrees and not 10 degrees. He was not happy but
on the bus he conceded and allow the monitor put the coat on him. Then
gave me a very small wave with a frown as to say "I am not happy with
you but I love you". It is times like these that I wish I could be
easier but my gut tells me that is not in his best interest. Not sure if
any of you reading this watch Desperate Housewives but a couple of
weeks ago Lynnette had a dream about her son being born disabled. It
showed how hard it was for her to accept at first but then how she made
him make his own sandwich. He was so mad at her, he was feeling unloved,
you could see the pain in her face as she told him he had to make it
himself and he did, he made his own sandwich and she told "It looks
good, can I have a bite." Then it flashes forward to him graduating from
Law School and how he thanks his Mom for all she did you encourage him
throughout the years. That is how I feel when it come to the boys OCD or
when they get blocked, I feel I have to push them thru it as long as I
feel they can handled being pushed.
Donald seemed to think that if
he didn't write his punishment then I would just forget but we talked
and I told him he was wrong and that he decides how long he is punished.
If he finishes he writing in 5 days then he is done but if he wants to
drag it out that is for him to deal with. Kyle is having trouble with
dinner tonight as it is all white and he does not like white food. Have I
told you all about how Donald only wants white food and K&K don't
like white food. First thought when most people hear that is OMG how
cooking do you do. Well the answer is - I cook one meal usually I try to
make sure there is something they like on it but tonight I didn't pay
attention. Oops, I am allowed to make mistakes no matter what my boys
think I am human even if they want supermom. Karl is getting better
eating white as he fully understands the concept of don't eat your
dinner then you go to bed. So if he is giving trouble I asked him if he
wants to go to bed and he yells "I eat, I eat" and he does eat. Kyle
gives more trouble, he has my will power but he is finding that Mommy
will is stronger. Since he is only 20 months if he doesn't finish then
he gets no dessert. Donald has come a long way with eating colors, he no
longer makes himself gag on new foods. I corrected that when he had to
start cleaning his mess from gagging. He actually want to try lobster, I
really don't want to cook lobster but I will have to do as I say and
give it a shot soon.
As for me, I was told today K.M. is believing
her stepmothers lies. The following is something I need to write,
something K.M needs to know if something were to happen to me before she
comes back into my life. I don't ever want her to feel guilty about
anything if I were to die before we talked.
Dear Gorgeous,
Right
now you are believing lies from your stepmother and that if fine. I can
understand why it is easier to believe that I lied than to face the
truth of what happened. I could play your game right now but I know it
is not a game I can win. Just like I could never win with My Mother,
your Nani, it was always me running circles to prove I was telling the
truth. I could have God himself tell her I was telling the truth and she
would have a reason to say I why she still felt I was lying. And it is
the same with my sisters, they never believed me either. Funny thing is I
had nothing to hide and I did tell the truth. I won't play this game
with anyone ever again.
As for what happened when you were little,
I begged God for it to not be true. But specialists told me it was true
and it was from everything you told them, I wasn't even in the room
when they questioned you. I had no reason to lie, I gave up & lost
everything to keep you safe. Your counselors told me that I was in a no
win situation, you could hate me for doing nothing and you could hate me
doing everything to keep you safe. I choose to keep you safe and even
knowing the hell I went thru I would make the same decision today. I
would go through it all over again as long as I knew you were safe.
You
deserve the best in life, I just wish you wanted it for yourself.
Honey, you need help, you need to face your demons or you won't be
truely happy.
I love you with all my heart and I know you love me.
Love Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment