Time Alone (original date 4/25/2010)

When you have children the first thing you and your spouse lose in time alone. All your time & energy goes to the children, so after you have cooked, cleaned, played with the kids & watched Barney for the hundredth time all you want to do is collapse when the kids go to bed. When your child has Autism your mental stress goes thru the roof as well as you are adding dealing with their quirk, meltdowns, OCD behavior,  groups therapy, OT & ST to your schedule. When Karl starting EI he had 22 apointments a month & Donald had about 15 a month. With Mike on the road that leaves everything for me to handle and for the most part it is all manageable but I am left exhausted, too exhausted to even think about intimacy with Mike.
A while back I saw a study about the divorce rate in parents with an Autistic child, it said85% of parents get divoriced.  In some ways Autism has made us a stronger couple but in other ways it keeps us apart. We have only had about 5 date nights in the last 5 years so it is hard to stay connected. Last night we got to go dancing, just the two of us. We met country dancing so it is great to get to reconnect the way we had met. I fell back in love with Mike last night, he takes my breath away when we dance. We realized that now the boys are doing better and the number of appointments are down to about 12 a month for all, we have to make more time for us to have time alone. Getting to go dancing was so refreshing and it was a great workout too. I am exhausted but refreshed all at once. We are hoping to go out again in a few weeks.
Recently a new show started on NBC called Parenthood, on the show one couple has a son with Asperger's Syndrome. I have been very impressed with how true the storyline is. They show how hard Autism can be on a family.I think the most important thing is communication. Each parent has to know and understand what the other is going thruand how each feel. One of my days can consist of Kyle OT, workout at the Y, lunch, make a weighted blanket, Chiro app, play with the boys, make dinner, get the kids off to bed then clean house and get things ready for the morning. All this and deal with the meltdowns, quirks & OCD. Mike will read it on Facebook and be like Oh My she does a lot. Then when I get sick & have to stay in bed for the day, he finds out how it feels to do it all. It really helps him understand why when he comes home from being gone all week all I want to do is sleep. We have wants and needs but sometimes I just can't but I always let him know I do want to but I am just too tired. Telling him this lets him know I am not rejecting him & that I want him but just too tired. It doesn't help me that I have an under active Thyroid & Epstein Barr Syndrome that makes me tired too. Now if we could just find time during the day when I still have energy we would be all set.
We know that everything we sacrifice for the boys now will have huge rewards later. And with those rewards the boys will be successful to live on their own which will leave Mike and I a lot of time for intimacy.