I know many struggle with disciplining a child with Autism. Many feel
that if Autism is to blame then it is not the child's fault so they
should not be punished. In my opinion Autism is never the reason for bad
behavior, Autism may be the reason the child has a lack of
understanding what is right & wrong. As parents we have to teach all
children the difference between right & wrong and when a child has
Autism it may take longer & we may have to find different techniques
but the lesson can still be learned. With that said I will add that
Sensory issues can be at the root of bad behavior at times but a child
still needs to learn that the bad behavior is not acceptable. I will
explain more throughout this Blog.
I understand many feel that
when dealing with a child that has Autism we have to use kid gloves,
protect them and shelter them from many things in Society. The feelings
are justified as we understand our children best and want to keep the
safe from the the negativity in the world today. But in the real world
that is not realistic, so you need to decide if you want your child to
be able to live somewhat independently or not. I know that some children
with Autism may never be able to live independently but that decision
can not be determined until the child is in late teens. My feelings are
that until my boys are in their late teens I will teach treat them as
they will live independently and teach them everything they will need to
know to accomplish that. The most important thing to teach them is what
is right & wrong and discipline is needed to do that.
Tantrum or Sensory Meltdown - Easy way to tell the difference - Is the behavior
'need based' or 'greed based'??? The answer to that question will tell
you if your child is having a 'meltdown' or 'tantrum' and that will tell
you how to proceed. Need Based - Child can't handle surroundings so
such noise, small, crowd, etc... Greed Based - Child wants a toy,
candy, etc.... Now if it is Sensory I try to redirect, if that does not
work I give the boys a time out. Doing this consistently teaches my boys
that the behavior is not acceptable & to choose the redirecting
over the time out. We can teach coping skills all we want but if we
never teach them the meltdown is bad behavior they will never learn to
use those skills. When they are adults they will not be able to have a
meltdown at work because of a sound so they need to learn coping
techniques to help them. If it is tantrum - They get a time
out immediately. If the behavior is dangerous, hitting, hurting others,
jumping from tall heights, running off, etc..... then they get a time
out immediately to understand the seriousness of the situation then
follow up with a talk and/or social story.
There are many
different way to discipline but the key is to be consistent no matter
how long it takes. For K&K (3 & 4) They get time outs and DJ 9
get time outs & loss of privileges. Karl is my most severe, when he
was 18 months he would throw things when frustrated as he was nonverbal
and his receptive language was far below his age. I was pregnant with
Kyle and knew Karl's throwing would be dangerous to Kyle. I started
giving Karl a 2 minute time out every time he threw something. At the
start he was throwing things 4-6 times a day, over the weeks it got
better and by the time Kyle was born he was not throwing during normal
play. There were times during therapy he would throw an item to the
floor but it was a controlled throw not sporadic throwing all over as he
had done before. Some bad behavior has been corrected with a few time
outs while other corrected with a few hundred time outs.
Going out
- I know going to the store, restaurants & other public places can
be hard to do with a child with Autism but it can be done. the key is to
keep consistent with discipline while out. I take a flyer disc frisbee
out with me as a time out spot. If we are in Walmart & they act up
they get a time out in the store. My boys have gotten time outs whenever
they behaved badly no matter where we were. Many think I am wrong to discipline my boys because they have Autism, teaching them that bed behavior has consequences is the main reason I
can take the boys to stores, Church, restaurants, flea
markets & events by myself. And many people tell me how impressed
they are with my boys good behavior.
Older kids - Donald is
turning 12 in July, we are very open & honest with Donald about his
quirks & behavior. When he corrects me with facts on just about
anything. I looked at him and say "if you ever want to have a girlfriend
you will need to stop correcting and wait until you are asked for
help." We have open talks about being Social Appropriate & other
Social things to help him understand what he will face when he is on his
own. When he has times he wants to be lazy I fire him from his chores,
during these times he gets no extras & has to go to bed early. I
explain to him that if he is lazy at job he will be fired and not be
able to afford extras. I know that having a career will be hard for
Donald because of some of his quirks so I am starting now to help him
understand what expectations will be so he won't be rushed to find
coping skills to help him.
Hope this helps some that are new to Autism:)
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