No Blue in Our House Today!!!! (4/2/2013)

A few years ago I would  wear blue for World Autism Awareness Day but in the past few years it seem that WAAD is more about raising awareness for Autism Speaks and their money making "Light it up Blue" campaign than promoting Autism Acceptance. Everyone knows that I am a huge advocate for Autism Awareness,  but I will never support Autism Speaks or what Autism Speaks stands for.  Their message of 'Cure & Prevent' is the opposite of the message I give my boys and I cannot/will not go against my values to join the masses by wearing blue. If I did that it would be teaching my boys to conform to what others want them to be or want them to do and I can not do that.

I bring the boys up to embrace their Autism, to own it and for them to be themselves. I do this because I know they are exactly how God intended for them to be. Preventing outstanding boys like them never crossed my mind and I would never cure them as they are not sick. They do things differently, they learn differently and they are gifted. If you have read my other blogs you know I say it like it is and do not give mixed messages. So I will not support Autism Speaks and their work as they do not speak for my sons and because my oldest son gets very upset with how Autism Speaks talk about Autism. I believe in building my boys up with their strengths not supporting an organization that  wants to prevent them from being born.

I am still not sure why people wear bright blue for WAAD day as it is only one of the Autism Colors. The only reason I can see is that it is Autism Speaks color which is why I say WAAD is about Autism Speaks Awareness not Autism Awareness. Autism colors are Red, Yellow, Teal & Navy Blue so on April 2nd wear multicolors to show your support.

Some may say that orange is not in the Autism colors either which is true. That is why when I make my charms or beads for Embracing The World of Autism, the orange embraces the Autism colors as you can see in the attached photo. Plus the color orange meanings really relate to kids with Autism.

April 11 - Wear Orange for 'Embracing The World of Autism Day'  to support Autism Acceptance and for those with Autism to be open about their Autism.

 Orange & how it relates to ASD kids

 

      Orange = Ambition, healing, enthusiasm, fascination, happiness, creativity, determination,

                    attraction, success, encouragement, and stimulation

AMBITION : Our kids have great ambition in their interests & their in their world.

HEALING  :  I am always healed by the smile of a child and how my boys see the world.

ENTHUSIASM  :  Have you ever seen an ASD child stim??? They have more enthusiasm than they can handle:)

FASCINATION  :  Child's choice - Cars, trucks, trains, the color pink, Titanic, snaps, etc.........

HAPPINESS  :  ASD children are very happy children

CREATIVITY  :  Whether it is in the Arts or how they are going to convince us parents that they know more, our ASD children are very creative.

DETERMINATION  :  Our kids have such determination on every task especially is it is about their interests.

ATTRACTION  :  Whether good or bad behavior they attract attention.

SUCCESS  :  Temple Grandin, Albert Einstein, Henry Ford, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Gates, etc.....

ENCOURAGEMENT  :  What every ASD Parent gives their child every moment of every day.

STIMULATION  : With a Sensory Diet for our children's stimulation they are better able to learn and cope with Autism.

Please know that while I do not support Autism Speaks, I know many do support them and I will respect you for your choice and ask that you respect me for mine. We all have different experiences and different beliefs and that is OK :)

Are you my friend or not?? (original date 3/30/2013)

Growing up with a sisters and a mother that lied, put me down and left me out of most things. I am not a person that believes in what a person says or writes. I have always felt that a persons actions or lack of actions show who a person truly is. So if you make a promise to me then do not follow through I will be hurt and I have a right to vent about it on my personal page. If your child is invited to my sons party and you do not RSVP but then post pics of how great your sons birthday party is, I will defriend you as my son was hurt. The most hurtful thing people say "we need to get together sometime," but then they are ALWAYS too busy when asked. You know what I am busy too but I would still try, I still ask for what to hear "when I was out to lunch with so and so" or "out with friends but I will get back to you" or the best post pics of girls night out that you had. Well I am done trying....
I know some think I am a bitch because I am assertive and passionate about things I believe in or when it comes to getting Society to do right by children. What you may not get my voice and my words are all I have so I use them to stand up for what is right. Yes I will call out a restaurant that clams to be GF friendly but are not following protocol because I would not want a friend of mine to have a seizure because they were mislead or have my youngest screaming all night with gas pain because of cross contamination. Yes I will use experiences my children face to help a group understand what is really going on in schools if I think it will help. Only to be called into the office and told I am not to share my sons experience. While many feel my assertiveness is too much, I say my assertiveness is making people think and that could lead to changes.
Autism - Yes Autism is ALL I talk about but that is because I have NOTHING else to talk about. As I said I do not go out to lunch with friends or have girls night out. My boys do not get invited over by friends, only been to 5 birthday parties for 3 kids since we moved here. My boys never have play dates no matter how much we ask. We do have sports but that is only a couple of months a year.
So for the reason to my blog today, I am done crying which means I am done trying. I was basically told that maybe I should stop doing so much like promoting Autism Awareness, The Autism Game and other things to have more time to do my sons homework. First no son has no interest in doing his homework because he feels it is a wastes of time and he already knows most of it so it does not matter how much time I have on my hands, getting him to do his homework is the most stressful art of my life. Second, taking away my work for Autism Awareness leaves me with no life and then I would feel more worthless than I already feel.
So here it is, if you want to be a part of my life, say what you mean and then follow through. Do NOT make vague comments and then be too busy all the time as that is just mean. Be honest, if you do not want your kids hanging out with my kids then say so. If your kids do not want to hang out with my kids don't feel they have to because were friends, tell me the truth, my kids doesn't like Donald. We would much rather know the truth than to be left hanging thinking we have friends.
It is interesting that I have strong friendships with many on facebook that I have never met and they seem to accept me for who I am and message me the minute they know something is wrong wishing they were closer. But others nearby could careless....  I know some are truly busy but there are many I just feel like they are nice to my face but really don't care and I need to know where I stand with people.
With all that said, if you are not a true friend to me, just defriend me from facebook and we will be acquaintances in town when we see each other. Because right now I need only true friends in my life right now.

Chorus (original date 2/3/2013)

Tonight I am reminded why I work so hard for the Kennebunk Community to understand Autism. Last Summer my Karl almost died from a Peritonsillar Abscess and was traumatize from all that was done to him by Doctors and Nurses.  Then he was put through a sleep study followed by another surgery. With all Karl was put through he regressed about two years in Social Interaction. I have been working with his teachers to help him work through his issues.  One area he struggles with is Chorus rehearsals, he struggles with the transition of the end of school and start of chorus and has trouble sitting still but does fine with performances at Monday Morning meetings. I have been trying to help finding strategies to help Karl work through his struggles, on 1/23 his teacher and I came up with a reward system and explained it to Karl. What I did not know was the following Wednesday 1/30 would be his last chance. He did well going to Chorus but struggled during so the next night I received an email telling me he was dismissed from Chorus. While I understand rules need to be followed and friends can tell you I make my boys follow the rules. Something is unsettling Karl during rehearsal which is keeping him from sitting still. I could understand his dismissal if I was ignoring the issues or if Karl was out of control yelling and stuff. This is not the case, I have been trying to help and to me Karl's behavior is not malicious. Karl is walking around a bit, not sitting still and last week hid under coats crying. While this behavior is wrong, I do not feel it required dismissal on the first rehearsal since starting a reward system.
Since last Thursday I have emailed the teacher asking for Karl to have another chance. I have offered to aid Karl during rehearsal to help find out what is bothering him. Tonight I found out that Karl will not be given another chance. I was told "A pattern of "one more chance" has changed into too many chances and Karl being confused about what the commitment involves."  My feelings on that statement are that I was NEVER told Karl had 'one more chance' and that Karl does not understand 'one more chance'  with things like this because I work with him to figure out what is bothering him or distracting him and teach him how to work though it. I have been told that Karl can ask to rejoin at the end of February but I do not think I will let him join/rejoin 'optional' School Activities again. I cannot take the chance that  this will happen again when he struggles. He has Autism and will go through regressions for which I teach him to work through. I do not believe in a teacher or coach putting him out of Chorus or a sport without exhausting every option, have him come back only to be put out again when he struggles. This method is NOT how a child with Autism learns to work through things.
Knowing Karl is going to be very upset when I tell him that he can no longer sing at the Monday Morning meeting, I have emailed the school telling them he will most likely be staying home tomorrow. When we moved here 2.5 years ago Karl barely spoke, this time last year he was asked to join Chorus because he sang so well. He is so proud when he sings at Monday Morning meetings and now that has been taken from him.
Society needs to understand that taking away the one thing a child with Autism has pride in can devastate the child and cause more regression. I will not put him back into Chorus unless I know that his struggles will be handle on the methods of helping him and not punishing him for things he does not understand. I can only pray that this dismissal from Chorus does not cause him to lose interest in singing.

Discipline (original date (1/3/2013)

I know many struggle with disciplining a child with Autism. Many feel that if Autism is to blame then it is not the child's fault so they should not be punished. In my opinion Autism is never the reason for bad behavior, Autism may be the reason the child has a lack of understanding what is right & wrong. As parents we have to teach all children the difference between right & wrong and when a child has Autism it may take longer & we may have to find different techniques but the lesson can still be learned. With that said I will add that Sensory issues can be at the root of bad behavior at times but a child still needs to learn that the bad behavior is not acceptable. I will explain more throughout this Blog.

I understand many feel that when dealing with a child that has Autism we have to use kid gloves, protect them and shelter them from many things in Society. The feelings are justified as we understand our children best and want to keep the safe from the the negativity in the world today. But in the real world that is not realistic, so you need to decide if you want your child to be able to live somewhat independently or not. I know that some children with Autism may never be able to live independently but that decision can not be determined until the child is in late teens. My feelings are that until my boys are in their late teens I will teach treat them as they will live independently and teach them everything they will need to know to accomplish that. The most important thing to teach them is what is right & wrong and discipline is needed to do that.
Tantrum or Sensory Meltdown - Easy way to tell the difference  - Is the behavior 'need based' or 'greed based'??? The answer to that question will tell you if your child is having a 'meltdown' or 'tantrum' and that will tell you how to proceed. Need Based - Child can't handle surroundings so such noise, small, crowd, etc...  Greed Based - Child wants a toy, candy, etc.... Now if it is Sensory I try to redirect, if that does not work I give the boys a time out. Doing this consistently teaches my boys that the behavior is not acceptable & to choose the redirecting over the time out. We can teach coping skills all we want but if we never teach them the meltdown is bad behavior they will never learn to use those skills. When they are adults they will not be able to have a meltdown at work because of a sound so they need to learn coping techniques to help them. If it is tantrum  - They get a time out immediately.  If the behavior is dangerous, hitting, hurting others, jumping from tall heights, running off, etc..... then they get a time out immediately to understand the seriousness of the situation then follow up with a talk and/or social story.

There are many different way to discipline but the key is to be consistent no matter how long it takes. For K&K (3 & 4) They get time outs and DJ 9 get time outs & loss of privileges. Karl is my most severe, when he was 18 months he would throw things when frustrated as he was nonverbal and his receptive language was far below his age. I was pregnant with Kyle and knew Karl's throwing would be dangerous to Kyle. I started giving Karl a 2 minute time out every time he threw something. At the start he was throwing things 4-6 times a day, over the weeks it got better and by the time Kyle was born he was not throwing during normal play. There were times during therapy he would throw an item to the floor but it was a controlled throw not sporadic throwing all over as he had done before. Some bad behavior has been corrected with a few time outs while other corrected with a few hundred time outs.

Going out - I know going to the store, restaurants & other public places can be hard to do with a child with Autism but it can be done. the key is to keep consistent with discipline while out. I take a flyer disc frisbee out with me as a time out spot. If we are in Walmart & they act up they get a time out in the store. My boys have gotten time outs whenever they behaved badly no matter where we were. Many think I am wrong to discipline my boys because they have Autism, teaching them that bed behavior has consequences is the main reason I can take the boys to stores, Church, restaurants, flea markets & events by myself. And many people tell me how impressed they are with my boys good  behavior.

Older kids - Donald is turning 12 in July, we are very open & honest with Donald about his quirks & behavior. When he corrects me with facts on just about anything. I looked at him and say "if you ever want to have a girlfriend you will need to stop correcting and wait until you are asked for help." We have open talks about being Social Appropriate & other Social things to help him understand what he will face when he is on his own. When he has times he wants to be lazy I fire him from his chores, during these times he gets no extras & has to go to bed early. I explain to him that if he is lazy at job he will be fired and not be able to afford extras. I know that having a career will be hard for Donald because of some of his quirks so I am starting now to help him understand what expectations will be so he won't be rushed to find coping skills to help him.

Hope this helps some that are new to Autism:)

Emergency IEP Meeting (original date 12/11/2012)

Some of you may know that Karl has been struggling this school year.  Part of his struggle comes from the fact that he was in a very small class last year, there were only 7 kids with 3 teachers. As I said "he was in a bubble" which was very structure so his teacher and others did not see his 'Autism Behaviors.'  With the school not seeing his 'Autism Behaviors' many things were not put in place for Karl to be mainstreamed in a large class. This year he is in a class of 20 with only 1 teacher.  The other part of his struggle comes from being traumatized over the Summer with the Peritonsillar Abscess, sleep study and then tonsillectomy. He has regressed in many social behaviors and he has a great deal of fears now. This has been very upsetting because he had made so much progress through the years but I have been trying to be positive that this to shall pass. At the start of school I informed everyone at school about his trauma and talked with his teacher in depth about my fears of him not being prepared for mainstreaming. We are very lucky that Karl's is very enthusiastic about working with me to help Karl. Her & I have had many strategy talks to help Karl and most things have helped him a great deal but he is still having trouble and he is getting stressed.
At the meeting we all agreed that Karl's acting out is from his trauma, Karl trying to fit in, major growth spurt and that Karl is trying to figure out who he is. Some of his behaviors are typical (Yeah!!!) but he doesn't filter things the same as typical kids. At the meeting we talked about bringing a strict schedule back to give him some stable comfort. They will make up a picture rule board to help him to give him a better visual of the rules. They are going to work with his friends and try to make recess more structured since he can not handle free play as it is overstimulating for him. If Karl breaks the rules he will need to see his school case manager so she can explain what he did wrong and he will be told immediately that he has lost computer for the day. If we waited  until he came home it would be late for him to understand the punishment goes to the crime. They will start using my color code system to get him back on track for assignments and tasks.**  His teacher asked if she might me expecting too much of him with writing, sitting still for long periods of time and other tasks that typical kids do. I think I surprised her a bit when I said how I always set the boys expectations higher. I explained that giving him the comfort of a picture schedule will help him process the higher expectations better. Kind of a give and take technique, we give him the structure and he does the harder tasks. It was so nice to be at a meeting where everyone is in agreement:)
The best part of the day: Karl joined us at the end of the meeting as school let out. We talked with him about consequences will be the same as school & home. We explained that if he breaks the rules he will lose the computer for the day. We also explained that if he does really well at school he can earn extra time on the computer. I told him that he could earn and extra 15 minutes on the computer. He tilted his head, looked at us with his bright blue eyes and said "How about 20 minutes?"  We all busted started laughing and marveled over how cute he is and of course we agreed to 20 minutes :)
**Color Code System - I carry cards with me that are green, yellow, orange and red. When the boys start to act up they get a warning, if they continue the color code with go from green to yellow.  If the bad behavior continues they will go to orange then red. Now if by chance they started behaving better they could always move back a color. I use the colors in different forms - If we are on an outing and they reach red, we leave and go home right away. If we are in a store and they do not reach red they get a reward at the register, usually candy.

One Year Ago (original date 12/10/2012)

Ever since I was a  little girl I wanted to have my own shop, although what type of shop changed through the years. I lived in Cranston RI until I was 8 years of age. I parents frequently visit their friends Fish store and I always stated that I would one day be a Fish Store Lay too.  Through the years it went from Fish Store to a  Candy Store, a Tall Girl Store then I went to High School and things changed. I tried taking business courses but I have difficulty with typing and shorthand because my finger are croaked. I switch my studies to Art, mostly Photography. I had always loved taking pictures so I took Photography, Painting, Drawing and any Art class available. I felt at home in all my Art classes, relaxed and for the first time I enjoyed School, well Art classes that is. I was not a bookworm, I struggled in ALL major subjects as I had a Learning Disability that my Mother refused to acknowledge.  All the struggling caught up to me senior year in English, Mr Hall told me that if I had gotten an 80 on the final then I would pass the class. With my Father in the hospital dying I studied as best as I could. I went to Mr Hall at the end of the day to find out my grade, he told me I got an 86 but he still failed me, he stated "you could have gotten a 100, I would have still failed you. Well I aced Summer School, the day I graduated Mrs. C told my Dad that if I had been in the correct classes for my LD then I would have passed without struggling. Of course my Mother was not there to here is as she refused to go to my Graduation stating that it was not a real Graduation.  As I wrote in a previous blog, my Father passed away that night. His last words to me were " You will be the one to make it." For which I laughed as my sisters had much better grades than I did... Then he said "But you are the only one with Street Smarts & Common Sense."  Again I laughed, he gave me a kiss and told me "I Love You Tiger."
Through the years I worked retail and found that I loved setting up displays and many people told me I was a natural at decorating. Fast forward to about 5 years ago, I started making bunting sets for Karl to keep his hands warm while sleeping since we had drafty windows. When I finished I thought maybe I could make PJ bottoms so I wouldn't have to pay $38.00 anymore to get my size.  One day I talked my older sister about an idea to start my own business. My thought was to start a Decorating Business where I would make curtains, pillows and other items for clients to decorate with. She said my idea was to vague and would never work even though I tried to explain that being versatile would help as i would be able to change with the times. I took time and did some research and starting 'Karleen's Ideas for Colors & Decorating.'  Then the housing market went down, way down so no one was decorating. Then I was asked by Donald's OT if I could make weighted blankets because many parents could not afford online prices. I did a lot of research and made one, his OT loved it and parents asked me to make them for their children. Over the next couple of years I learned a lot about Autism as Donald and Karl with diagnosed. I was continuously making news things to help them and I dropped 'for Colors & Decorating' from my business name.
Most of my work over the next couple of years was making weighted blankets & weighted vests. During this time I started making Shell Crafts again which had been a childhood hobby for me. I did craft fairs in RI now & then, everyone loved my work but I sold very little. I continued to make weighted items for some of the RI Early Intervention programs, received a few online orders and some sales to friends. When we moved to Maine, I continued making weighted items and started to expand to other sensory items. I also built up stock of fleece items, jewelry and shell crafts. In 2011 I set up for a few crafts fairs, did The Tuesday Night Market, again everyone loved my work but sales were not happening as I had wished :(  Having three boys with Autism, I found packing up everything for fairs to be too time consuming for the few sales I had. I then did research and found that our house was zoned Home Occupation, I decided to open a shop at the house.  This way I could be here  for the boys, make dinner, clean house, make items and run the shop. I decorated the porch, got bookshelves from freecycle, got permits and used facebook to spread the word about Karleen's Ideas.  On December 3, 2011 our family took part in the Hat Parade and handed out flyers for the opening with a coupon for the shop.
On December 11,2011  I opened the Shop, I was nervous, scared, excited and hopeful all at once. I had a few friends stop buy to make a purchase and support my opening. When I found out that I was only allowed 5 costumers a day, I had hoped I would be lucky enough to get 5 costumers a week. Well in reality I maybe have 5 customers in the shop every few months. Luckily online sales picked to help keep the shop afloat.  Throughout the year, I have done many posts on facebook (even got bashed for some), networked with other small businesses online, started a Shop Local-Southern Maine group, donate items for local Silent Auctions and fundraisers, help promote others in town to shop small and local, ask a local paper to do a story on the shop (still hoping), ads on Craigslist and networks with therapists and teachers. The one thing that I couldn't  do afford was to place an ad in the papers :(  While i do wish I was busier each week, I am very happy with the friends & customers that did come in. I love watching peoples reaction to seeing all the items I have created, the wonder in their screams 'how did she make all this' or 'wow what patience to put those shells on one at a time' and then the big question for the larger items "How long did it take you to finish this?"   The one statement I never understand is when people say "you are not charging enough."  If that is the case then why aren't I selling more???? is what I would love to say but I know times are hard on many so I say hopeful things will pick up.
Tomorrow marks one year ago that I opened Karleen's Ideas :)  I am proud of myself for doing it against the odds, I love that I followed my gut and most of all I love that each day I can make a new creation for someone to enjoy :)   I hope that someday I will have the opportunity to open a shop down at the Port but until then I will enjoy my little shop on the Porch :)

Today (original date 12/2/2012)

What a day today, a very lazy morning cuddling with the boys watching Christmas movies/shows. Then K&K were ask to clean their room but instead they made a bigger mess so for the first time since moving here we did not get to see Santa arrive on the Lobster Boat:(  Since Donald had done his chores I took him down to the Port to look around & shop. We didn't buy anything but we had a good time just walking around & talking. While we were at the Port Mike was dealing with K&K trying to get them clean their room. Well they were being really stubborn and trying to see if they could get Daddy to break. I am so proud of Mike holding his ground all day. When I got home that had to finish half the room in order to eat dinner, which they did:)  Then after dinner they had to finishing cleaning but chose to play:(  So I told them at 5:50 that they had to have their room cleaned by 6:30 or they would have to go straight to bed and I would throw out their toys that were still on the floor. It is now 6:17 and they are just about done and looking forward to cuddling:)
Dinner - I bought a 4.5lb roast for dinner, it should have been enough for two meals, NOT :(   Donald has reached puberty for which his appetite has grown immensely. Karl & Kyle had their tonsils out last month and they are eating non-stop now that they can swallow food better and they are sleeping better. So I have three boys going through a major growth spurt all at once:(   So the roast that should have been enough for two meals is only enough for 1 meal and for one person to have lunch.  Looks like I will be looking for some really good meat sale. LOL
It is 6:30 and the boys have finally finished cleaning their room:)

How to know??? (original date 10/19/2012)

One of my sons keeps stating a friend has invited a group of them to an event next week but my son has not received a paper invitation. So how do I know if the verbal invite is legit??  Now I am sure that you are thinking, just ask the parents. I could do that but then if then the parents may feel compelled to say yes my son was invited when he hadn't been.  Sometimes it is so hard to know when a person is speaking in generals and when they are being sincere. You know when someone says let's do lunch sometime but then sometime never happens. So you are left wondering, did they forget, were they just being polite or are they just too busy. Teaching an Aspie to understand the difference between a friend and an acquaintance is hard when there are times I do not know the difference.
There is one person who says I am a dear friend of hers but in two years I have never been to her house and  never been invited to any events she has had.  So am I a dear friend of hers or is that just something she says when I have just done something for her??? How to know???
At least I know where I stand with my boys:)  They are who they are and you always know where you stand with them which can be a positive aspect of Autism.  I wish more people could be clear with their feeling and/or intentions and get rid of polite phoniness !!!  But until then I guess the boys and I will worked together trying to figure it out.

What Kids Hear From Parents (original date 8/28/2012)

As we all know tweens and teens have selective hearing which drives us parents crazy. But then there are times we find our kids are listening when we think they are tuning us out.  Here is a story about Mike & I finding out that Donald not only listens to what we say, he believes in what we say.
If you have seen my car in town, I am sure you have heard the 50's music blaring from it. My boys love the old songs and we have a blast singing them loudly.  Sorry if we are not in tune but it is about us having fun:)  While singing the other day Donald asked "what does it means when they say - 'why do bird sing so gay'?"  So I explained that in the time the songs were written 'gay' meant happy. Seeing this as a teaching moment I asked him if he knew what 'gay' meant nowadays. He said "yes when a girl loves a girl or a boy loves a boy."  Then we went on to discuss how he felt about it and I found that he wants everyone to be accepted for who they are and he feels people have the right to love who they want to love.  I was blown away with pride in Donald, I had no idea he was so knowledgeable about the topic. Not because we hide it from him but because when raising a child with Autism we handle things based on what they can handle. We talk about things but not always covering the whole topic as we believe in letting our children lead the way for what they are ready to know. For example - After the School had 'The Talk' with the 5th graders, Donald came home and was upset because he was not ready for what they covered. If we had known what was to be covered we would have given him the option of staying home that day.
Fast forward to yesterday, Donald had an annual checkup with his Doctor.  We were talking about Donald's Doctor about things he does and does not do, like selective hearing and his laziness. She felt this was a great segway to talking about changes his body will go through. During this talk Donald brought up our discussion we had the week before. When I mentioned how proud I was, Donald replied with - "I hear how you & Dad talk about these things and support people and I agree. People should be allowed to love who they want, Mom you taught me that. I listen to your talks about things on facebook and in the news."
This is a great example of how a parents views on topics affect our kids. As for me I was brought up in a family that was very prejudice against many things in life. I saw how unhappy being so judgmental made them, especially how they judged everything about me.  So I grew up the complete opposite of my family:):)  I have found that life is so much better when you accept others for who they are as a person. Does this mean I like everyone, no there are many people I do not trust but I do not judge based on life choices. I judge by negatives actions of the person or the negative aura a person gives off. Yes you read it right "aura" I can feel a persons aura and know when they are true to heart and when they are dishonest:(  This can be a blessing and a curse as I do not have control of it and sadly there are many dishonest people in this world and many who say one thing but their aura says another:(  I do not even have to meet them in person too know, I can feel their aura through their words online or  speeches on TV. (I have to say Mitt is not an honest person)
Many of you know I am always advocating for Autism Acceptance and I am very happy that my boys are taking these lessons to others in life!!!!!

'The Big Picture of Childhood Obesity' (original date 815/2012)

With schools starting in the South and other getting ready to start school, School food programs are in the media again. I feel that most of these school food programs are wasting money as they only work on one part of the problem. Childhood obesity will not change until people look at the 'Big Picture' of the problem. Childhood obesity not not just about food, it is about less activity and kids not registering that they are full.
Sensory Issues - I am sure some of you are confused about my statement 'not registering being full.'   Many kids today to not register certain sensory input as many adults do. For example when Karl was two he loved the taste of Hot Sauce. He didn't love it because it tasted good to him, he loved it because he was able to taste something. Karl did not taste food, feel pain or register being full, for him it was from his Autism. For other kids I think it has more to do with eating processed foods and a sort of addiction sets in for those carbs. So a child wants to keep eating and does not register being full. For Karl we gave him fish oil which helped open his receptors allowing him to taste, feel pain and understand that he was full.
Playing Outside - My mother used to say that I needed to allow my daughter (now 23) to be a kid. She never understood that Society is the reason kids can no longer be kids. When I was young, I was allowed to walk 5 blocks to a friends house, walk to school, have a paper route, be outside in my yard without my parents watching me every moment. Back then everyone thought is was safe - WRONG - I am a survivor of Sexual Abuse from a neighbor & a baby sitter. So I do not allow my children outside useless I can watch them, they are not allowed to walk to friends or school. Now add that many homes have two working parents, kids have to stay inside more which leads to less activity.
Gym & Sports - Budget cuts are causing more & more schools to cut sports programs. This means that instead of practicing sports and being active they are going home. Since parents are busy then they are not allowed outside for safety reasons.
Foods - Since parents are working so much there is less time to cook so many parents buy foods based on ease & speed. This means they are buying processed foods which are unhealthy. They are not trying to make their kids fat they are trying to survive during a bad economy. You can teach kids about healthy eating all you want but if it does not fit into the reality of their life, it s not helping them at all. It will waste more money that could go towards sports programs.
I am all for schools teaching kids healthy choices but I feel that the government & schools are putting to much money and time into healthy foods at school. Parents need to be responsible for their children's choices and if I want to reward my son with a candy bar in his lunch I should be allowed. Parents have to take responsibility for their child's food choices. I understand times are hard but when I was a single Mother working three jobs, I still managed to feed my daughter a balanced diet.  Government & Schools need to put more money into more gym classes, sports programs and after school activities (key word being Active).
Balance - Society needs to focus more on balancing life and stop looking for the fast route to getting things done.

I Miss You Dad!!!!! (7/28/2012)

Twenty Five years ago I graduated from High School (summer school) in the morning, my Father was not feeling well so he told me to go out  with friends for lunch, I  came home to change to go start my new job at Sears. Upon leaving my Father & I talked about how we would go out for lunch on Thursday because his stomach was hurting. He gave me a pen & told me that I would be the one to make it. I laughed saying how my sister was so much smarter than me. He agreed but said my common sense was more important than her book smarts. My last words to my Father was "Oh Dad, I Love You" He gave me a hug & kiss and I left for work at 4:30pm.
At 7:30pm I was called out of work to go to the Hospital. On the way at a stop light I heard the end of a song "I will see you again with the lights go down."  ( I still have no idea what song it is) I knew at that moment my Father had passed away, my heart hurt more than words can explain. My Father was my rock, he was the one person who loved me for me and I had been at his side for ten years taking care of him, As I write this I am crying as though it just happened as I miss him everyday. My Donald who is named after my Dad is looking so much like my Dad,  Karl has my Father's creativity & Kyle has his charm and temper. It pains me that he never got to meet Karissa & the boys, he would adore them so much.  Losing the ONE person in my life that believed in me was the hardest and still is the hardest thing for me,  I would give anything to get a hug from him.
I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elections Bring Out The Worst in Society!!!!! (original date 7/272012)

I wish this election was over, the 'HOT' topics are just dividing people. I wish everyone would just agree that we live in America, we are free to make our choices and not have businesses, government, churches and others judge us for our choices. All the ads about Gay Marriage & Abortion (pro & against) are wrong, it is non of my business what someone chooses. I do not choose my friends based on their beliefs but I do not like having others beliefs forced upon me. I grew up being outcasted by my Mother & Sisters for being me, for sticking to my beliefs and my morels. I never judged them for theirs but I was judged everyday. When I was a teen then was a Donahue show about abortion. Talking with my Dad I said I can understand a woman getting an abortion if she was raped or would die from continuing the pregnancy. When my Dad went outside my Mother looked at me and said "I despise you and wish I had had an abortion when I was pregnant with you."  In any topic like the above there is NEVER one perfect answer that fits everyone. We are ALL individuals that have different lives and different reasons, our choices are our choices for our reasons.
Everyday of my life for the past 7 years has been about Autism Acceptance so my boys will be including in Society. When will Society just let people be who they are & accept them, stop judging and STOP ENCOURAGING THE GOVERNMENT TO MAKE LAWS PREVENTING OUR FREEDOM OF CHOICE!!!!!!!!!
It is my choice to choose my friends!!
It is my choice to Embrace Autism!!!
It is my choice to have Gay Friends and want them to be happily married!!!
It is my choice to raise my children 'old school' style!!
It is my choice to allow others to make decisions on their own!!!!
It is my choice to be a helpful neighbor!!!!
It is my choice to treat Toll Booth attendants with Hot Chocolate or ice water!!!
It is my choice to help strangers!!!
It is my choice to give my children vaccines!!!
It is my choice to vote for Obama!!!!
It is my choice what my children eat at school!!!
It is my choice to choose my values, morals and battles!!!
It is my choice to think 'out of the box'!!!!
The MOST important - IT IS MY CHOICE TO BE ME!!!!!

Different Perspective (original date 7/24/2012)

The is a lot of controversy over Joe Scarborough's comments about the tragedy in Aurora. Just about every blog or article about the comments had the following that is in blue.
"As soon as I hear about this shooting, I knew who it was. I knew it was a young, white male, probably from an affluent neighborhood, disconnected from society — it happens time and time again. Most of it has to do with mental health; you have these people that are somewhere, I believe, on the autism scale," said Scarborough, whose son has Asperger's syndrome. "I don't know if that's the case here, but it happens more often than not. People that can walk around in society, they can function on college campuses — they can even excel on college campuses — but are socially disconnected."
I found it interesting that the following comments in red were left out of many blogs & articles.
"I have a son with Asperger's who is loved by everybody in his family and who is wonderful. But It is what it is for  those who may not have a loving family and a support group and may be a bit further along on the autism spectrum.”
If you have read my previous blogs or know me then you know that I do not always think or feel the same way as many in the Autism Community. I tend to think out of the box and/or look at the big picture of things said or done. When I first saw many posts with anger about Joe's comments, I was angry by what I read. This  lead me to watch the video and I found that he had said more and I was not angry anymore and I can agree with some of his comments. Please read on before getting upset.
We all raise our children differently & we all have different feelings about Autism and different techniques to help our children. I embrace Autism, I am very strict, we are structured, push my boys through the quirks & OCD behavior and lots of love. I believe in balance in raising all my children and my boys are raised the same way their NT sister was raised. Many feel I am wrong to discipline the boys because they have Autism but I know it is helping them with the reality of life and helping them understand the expectations of Society. I do not allow Autism to be an excuse for bad behavior or for meltdowns, they are taught to redirect and work through the meltdown. I do this because the reality of it is that they would be fired from a job for a meltdown. Now there are many parents who do not discipline or discipline differently, there are parents that give there child anything they want to keep them happy and there are parents that live in denial and just push their child through life without helping them.
This is where Joe's comments come from, now I do feel he could have chosen better words, but his point is true. Children that have parents that go through the motions, pushing the child with Autism to the side and just gives them  things to the child to keep him/her quiet are not getting the love & support they need. Any child raised like this tends to have anger issues and can be violent, if you add Autism to the situation it will make things worse. Remember that that early intervention was not used as often or at all  as it is today and a young adult could be a ticking time bomb. Now I do not know the shooter nor do I have an opinion if he is on the spectrum, this blog is about Joe's comments and how I can understand what he was trying to say even if his wording was wrong.

Going Out (original date 3/16/2012)

With my boys we desensitize them to sensory issues & OCD behavior. We do not allow them to use electronics unless they are in the car or waiting room. We feel electronics encourage kids with Autism to avoid socializing in public.  We bring sensory items to help them regulate during our activity which varies depending on the activity.
Before we go into a store, restaurant or event - We set the expectation for the behavior, let them know their reward if they follow the rules & what their consequences are if they break the rules.  Always have a small treat in mind for when the behave. Store - they can get a candy bar at the register, restaurants dessert if they behave & eat their dinner, having small toys or books in the trunk after a larger event.
Stores - Bring snack & drink and have them help me find items. When Karl had a lot of trouble being around people & was a runner - We got him a stuff animal leash backpack & I sewed a 1lb weight in it so he could regulate.
Church - bring weighted lap pad, ear muffs, books, snack & drink.
Baseball & Basketball Games - Weighted lap pad, baseball hat, ear muffs, sunglasses, snacks and activities like small toys & books.
I keep a Sensory Bag in the Trunk at all times, plus have a car organizer with snacks & books filled at all times. You never know when you have an unexpected stop.
We bring a time out spot with us everywhere, when they start to have a meltdown over something we try to redirect them. If they cannot/will not redirect we give them a choice - choose the redirect activity (varies depending on child & where we are) or they get a time out. I know many feel time out are wrong or don't work with kids on the spectrum but when done like this it helps them a great deal. I am not demanding to them that they do what I want them to do. I am giving them a choice of doing what I want them to do or a time out. Giving them the choice makes them feel that they are in control and it helps them make the right decision. With time they begin to redirect all on their own and can handle many sensory situations. There can always be something that can come up when you least expect it but the more they overcome the better they will handle new things.
When I am handling the boys Sensory Issues, OCD behavior or quirks, I think to myself how each will affect him as an adult. Will he be able to act like that & keep a job? Will he eat enough when living by himself?? Will he be able to go shopping for himself??  Desensitizing & redirecting them helps them handle things life will throw at them.
When doing anything with our kids the beginning is always hard, just be consistent each & every time and it will get easier each time you are out. Never break the #1 rule - if they do not behave  - do NOT give them a reward. Start off with small time frames & increase each visit.

My Husband (original date 1/30/2012)

My Husband - Mike is an undx Aspie which can make things very hard on me because we have three boys with Autism. Kyle 3.5 HFA, Karl 5 ASD & Donald 10.5 AS, which means I am solo, I can't say solo for being Typical because I have always said that I am NOT normal and don't want to be normal. Since Mike was never dx at a young age he is learning along with the boys on many Autism quirks. Things that causes frustration for me is that Mike has NO common sense, no sense on time importance, no understanding of the boys structure and he can remember every history fact but cannot remember simple instructions. To add to things he is a trucker and only home 4-6 days a month. Needless to say it is up to me to do just about everything. A few months ago we had our third argument in almost 12 years about him dismissing things I say because I am not 'book smart' just like our son Donald does to me. I am the Arts person with common sense & street smarts. Since that argument he has really stepped up his game. I actually enjoyed his last vacation home, he even learned to make me eggs, bacon & toast for breakfast.
Recently Mike got a gmail account & we just linked our calendars together. When reviewing I saw that he had a date highlighted. March 9, the day my miscarried son/daughter would have been born, he/she would have been 14 this year. My heart melted as he told me that he always wants to remember to be gentle with me on that day. I so wish he was home because I fell in love with him all over again.
It really shows that you are never to old to learn new things. He has really showed me that he does love me and cares about my feelings, he just does it in a different manner. I just hope his next step is to plan a romantic date night for us:):) Valentines Day in a couple of weeks Handsome. Hint, hint, hint!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU HANDSOME :)

Teammates (original date 2/1/2012)

For children with Autism being a a Team can be the hardest thing for them as they normally like to be alone. It is especially hard on Sports Teams as they are dealing with Sensory Issues, Social Issues and trying to learn the game. Last year we took a chance and let Donald play Basketball, many thought I was crazy but Donald wanted to play so we tried.  His coach was amazing with Donald, he did what he could to learn & understand Autism and was big on Teamwork and Good Sportsmanship. Donald's teammates accepted him, no questions asked, they cheered him, encouraged him and were friends with him. When Donald got his first Basket during a game you would have thought we won the World Series with the cheering that took place from players, coaches and parents, I cried with pride.
Fast forward to this season, new coach, new level difficulty and all new players does not make for an easy start to Donald's second year.  Donald was struggling more and with his nerves more quirks were visible, the coach and  other players did not know him or understand him. I offered to be assistant coach as there was not one already.  As most of you know my parenting techniques are out of the box so of course so will my coaching techniques. I tend to take a backseat and observe as that is how I learn how to teach/coach kids. I would suggest things to the coach as I saw things but did things slowly to earn their trust that I do know a thing or two about Basketball even though I am a girl. LOL  I tried to bring up what I was noticing about tunnel vision of players and how players cannot get better if they are not passed the ball.  Coach's way to handle it was different from what I wanted to do so I took a step back. The last thing I wanted was to be thought of as a Mom that wants to overprotect my son when what I wanted was teamwork by ALL  players. Well it got to the point I could not watch Donald be outcasted and Donald said he wanted to quit but would continue in hopes things would change.  Last week's game Donald was not passed the ball once and only passed the ball a few times at practice.  Then last night there was a Youth Night at the High School Game, kids were to wear their team shirts and sit together. Donald and I went early to watch the Jr Varsity game, as some of Donald's teammates came in they barely said Hi to him and did not sit with him. So I decided a new approach was needed, a direct approach.
I talked with most of the team while Donald watch another game. I told them I had a question for them and that I wanted them to answer honestly. We all talked about an honest answer verses a polite answer and how they were not to answer the question until they all talked and decided as a team. I asked them if they wanted Donald on the team, I told them that it is fine if their honest answer was no, that Donald would go on another team to play. I explained to them that if they wanted him on the team then they need to include him in games & practices. I explained that I am not asking them to be Donald's friend as they have shown they have no interest in being his friend and that is OK. I told them that we all know Donald is not the best player but he is trying so hard and we talked about how much Donald practice during vacation. We talked about how they treated him at the game last night and how would they feel if they were treated that way. They agreed it wasn't very nice. I explained to them that I know Donald acts a little quirky and does quirky things, then I explained that Donald has Asperger's a form of Autism and he can't always control his quirks but he tries. (I did not go into detail about his Asperger's)  I asked them to make an honest decision, that if it was no then let Donald go and not give a polite answer of yes then ignore him on the court again.
I stepped away and let the boys talk. There was no complaining, sighs or negativity. They were all charged up talking about ways they could make things work and came up with a plan on their own. They came to me and told me their honest answer was yes they wanted him on the team. That they would try to get it so Donald would touch the ball at least ten times a game. I was so PROUD of them for not only making a good decision but to create a plan all on their own to backup their decision.
The Team played a GREAT Game!!!!!  They really worked as a Team and it paid off as we had our first WIN of the Season:) Donald got his first basket of the season and his teammates were so proud of him. They saw that he has been working hard to improve and that he just needed to get the ball to do it. I saw more teamwork today than I have seen all season.
I AM SO PROUD OF THE TEAM!!!!!

Parenthood - The Show (original date 3/3/2011)

Warning!!!!!!!
When reading this blog remember I am talking about how the show portrays Max’s Asperger’s . My comments are not reflecting towards anyone in life. For those that don’t know me I have three boys with Autism, two with AS & one ASD. Theses comments are my opinions, I ask that you put comments here on the blog page and not on FB and please be respectful!!
Parenthood - I loved the first season, I felt it was a little negative but they were just finding out Max’s dx so I hoped the second season would be more positive. Well that hasn’t happened, Kristina & Adam are STUCK on the dx.  On the show they say they got the dx a year ago but K&A act like they just found out. This show has a great opportunity to show people about Autism & help Society understand Autism. For this to work it would need to be balanced, showing the good with the bad, so far the show is one sided  - NEGATIVE. They show a meltdown but don’t show K&A using methods to help Max, on 2/22 episode Max has a meltdown about Gaby and K&A just look at each other. The next day I saw a woman post the comment “my son was just dx with AS, is that really what I have to look forward to?”  Scenes with the meltdown not showing that a child can regroup leaves a bad impression on those who don’t understand Autism. Even if they didn’t show how he regrouped, K&A could have talked about  how a method Gaby taught them worked. Oh wait,  for that to happen, Gaby would actually have to work with K&A implementing techniques. The rest of my critiques will be by character name then the last episode.
Max - For the most part the Max’s character is pretty good impression of AS.  I am glad to see that they are showing more meltdowns in more recent episodes. Although some of the things he does is are not from AS, they are normal  kid things but he is not getting disciplined. The show is just showing that a child with Autism is allowed to do what they want. Most of society already thinks we use Autism as an excuse and the show is supporting that thought. Most of you know I discipline the boys no matter what the reason is for them acting up. We want the world to treat ASD kids the same as others, then so must we as parents. I would never let my nt daughter K talk to me with that attitude so you can be sure I will not let my boys talk to me like that. No cues are given to Max and they are not correcting his bad behavior enough to help him be successful in life. Kristina worries about who will take care of Max, well she should because she is not teaching him to take care of himself. He should have chores & make his school lunch on his own, but he does nothing for himself.
Gaby - Well great idea to have a behavioral therapist  around but in the real world most parents can not afford to have a BT in the house most of the day. Why isn’t she encouraging K&A to do the techniques with her so they won’t be lost when she is not there. Max has a reward system that is mentioned but not really shown, why hasn’t she set up discipline system for Max. He needs to learn consequences for his actions. Gaby would have been the perfect person to help K&A with the Birthday Party plans. Instead Kristina was clueless to what she needed to do to prepare for a party with all the children having Autism. Sorry but I think Crosby had it right - Gaby is a babysitter for K&A. Gaby does not work with the family on issues, she updates K&A just like a sitter would. Gaby, K&A should be working together as a team, not have Gaby do all the work. Max responds to Gaby better because he knows where he stands with her but with K&A still not knowing what they are doing, Max is left not  feeling secure. Why hasn’t Gaby set up a sensory diet for Max yet.
K&A Together -  K- went to two support meeting & A - went to one support meeting, they met with the Doc for dx, Halloween & telling Max and they have done a little research online. In a years time they should know a lot more about AS by now. They have one Autism family as friends that act like they know all about Autism but by the way their sons acts they are clueless. They don’t discipline their son & let him eat everything in sight so how is this family suppose to help K&A. K&A are never on the same page, K overreacts to EVERYTHING & A is to laid back. By now the Doc should have told them to get counseling themselves to learn to cope with Autism & how to work together. There are times that Haddie seems like the adult in the house instead of the parent. Why does K&A never include Haddie in on Max’s AS  therapy or talk to her about techniques for her and Max. After a year of knowing about AS quirks, they did not pick up on the signs that Andy the Bug Guy had AS. To call Andy weird was wrong!! Max and Andy were acting exactly alike then K has the “deer in the headlights look” when the teacher tells her Andy has AS. What really pissed me off was even after they found out Andy had AS they still wanted to fire him. They should have been really supportive of Andy and NOT nitpick Andy’s quirks.
Adam - He screams at Crosby that Max has Asperger’s but Adam is in denial.  On one hand is denial has him pushing Max to do things but he is pushing for the wrong reasons. He is pushing Max because he wants Max to be NT, when he should be pushing Max so Max will be able to take care of himself someday. Has anyone noticed that Adam himself needs a schedule??? And can be quite anal about certain issues?? Adam needs a Autism Father Mentor to help him work thru his issues. Why is it Adam wants Max to have his interests but then he puts down Max’s interest in bug. Even with NT children there is no guarantee that a child with have the same interests as his/her parents so why is this such an issues.
Kristina - Sorry but she needs to be bitch slapped every episode!!!!! K has more meltdowns than Max does and her paranoia is unreal and annoying. She is overly controlling to EVERYTHING and not in a good way. Max’s dx is high functioning AS and K cries like he is dying. ALL her crying would be understandable if Max had  appointments a month, working every waking hour to help Max talk, hug and watching him every second to make sure he doesn’t get hurt because he doesn’t feel pain. The show has not portrayed Max to be out of control all the time like many ASD children are. Again Gaby is the one handling Max most of the time so I do not understand why k cries so much. She needs to STOP stereotyping AS and enjoy Max with HIS interests.
Telling Max -  First he is smart and old enough, he should have been told during the dx process. The faster a child understands why they have quirks the better they are about learning to cope with them. It is not realistic that in a years time K&A never thought about telling Max about his AS. Even if they hadn’t thought about it they could have asked  Max to give them a few minutes to gather their thoughts before talking to him. They made having AS sound so bad  you would have thought they were giving him a death sentence. All the crying & “deer in the headlights look” from Kristina was insane. When Max asked if they had AS that was a perfect opportunity to explain they everyone has quirks, some more than others. Then they could have told Max about K controlling OCD behavior & A about him needing routines. I love how the Doctor treated them about how they handle telling Max. I loved how he kept telling them to point out the positive side and not focus on the negative. What I don’t understand is why the show has the Doctor say to be positive about AS but the show does not follow that advice. I would love for the show to have the Bravermans meet a family that has been dealing with Autism longer and that they can show K&A that AS does not have to be so sad or hard ALL the time. Yes there are hard times, sad times but there are also good times, great times and then there are times when your child gives you a hug after months of working with him. Or the times when your son gets a basket during a game for the first time and his teammates, coaches and parents stand up, scream and cheer like your son just won the world championship.
My idea - Have them get a new BT that will set Max up with a sensory diet( I will even make & donate a weighted blanket from Karleen‘s Ideas), work with K&A on techniques & set Max up with group therapies to help with social skills. Set up rules, rewards & discipline board for Max to follow. Throw out his video games and have him interact more with others. Get more families with Autism on the show to show both families struggling and families who are not struggling. Also have someone teach Max to embrace his AS and to be proud of his AS the way my Donald is about his AS.

Regression (original date 9/26/2010)

REGRESSION -  The one words a parent never wants to see in their child, her someone say or have to admit to it.
This is when a child loses a skill they had once done. This summer we moved, we took a break from appointments & schedules. I wanted to give the boys time  to adjust to the new house & town before introducing new therapists & schools. I felt too much too soon would have been too overwhelming for them & me. With no schedules, some days were good, some bad & some I was wishing for bedtime by noon. I think the break from schedules did do them some good overall. They enjoyed the mid-day breaks to dance to loud music. Karl was interesting loving to dance, loving the songs but at times would cover his ears because it was loud. So he would be dancing while covering his ears with a big smile on his face.
The down side to  winging it was some regression took place, mostly with Karl. Karl starting needing his chew tube again & his behavior took a down fall. He hadn't used a chew tube for the better part of eight months so it was a shocker when I found him walking around with one. The hard part is I have not been able to find out what the trigger is so I can redirect him. His level of frustration has been intense, he will have trouble doing something and he gets frustrated, when you try to help he gets real mad. So I am at a catch 22, I give him two minutes to complete his task & if he still insists I don't help I will take it away and help him against his will. Once I have completed the task he is happy & thanks me. I re-affirm with his to ask for help, he says OK Mommy but I don't thinks he understands my words. Some frustrations lead to an all out meltdown & there are times he will go & hide which scares me now that he does it in public now. I get nervous that he will get lost because he is hiding under something. If Grandma babysits he refuses to leave her house. Going to Grandmas for babysitting is still new as they have been in Maine about 2yrs before us.
Kyle's food issues have gotten more severe & confusing. I know he does not like to eat meat but one day he will go to bed for not eating at least some of the meat then two weeks late he will gobble it up in no time. They had been cooked exactly the same way so i don't know what the difference is. Kyle now needs a schedule to tell him what is coming next & with the food pictures I am going to use the first & then board to get more food into him.
Donald is too smart for his own good. He thinks that he has outsmarted me but he doesn't. I told him that he may know more facts about some topics than me but I have common sense so he won't get anything by me. The sooner he realizes that the better his life will be. He needs to get the message, Mom ALWAYS knows when he is lying & when he has done something he shouldn't have without seeing him do it.
All of them - hitting each other, I am so done with all the hitting. One will hit the other and make him cry then the other hits back & the first comes running to me crying. Poor Karl will be crying, admit he hit first but not understand why the both get a timeout. Donald will hit Karl for no reason, not hard but to annoy Karl. I get upset because it is usually in the head or face. Donald keeps saying his mind told him to do it, that excuse does not fly with me so Donald has had very little Facebook time these past few month.
Tonight I had to sort out pictures schedules for the boys. I had tears in my eyes that I have to do this again. Now I need to do it for two as K&K have different schedules. Tomorrow make copies of some pictures & get K&K use to using the schedule. Donald is creating his own schedule because he loses track of time on ALL tasks. i am hoping that since he is doing the schedule, he will follow it. Monday Karl starts school so I am hoping that it will help get all boys back on track.

Acceptence is the key!!!! (original date 8/25/2010)

The following in red is a comment on the news story for our stolen sign. The blue is my initial response & black ink will be more feelings I have.

There is a lot more to this story as Ms. Frost has stated. This family has lived in Maine for 3 months. Why did the family purchase a home on the busiest street in town if they truly cared for their childrens' welfare? Why did they not purchase one of the many similarly priced homes in quiet, safe neighborhoods?
Why have they not extended the fence from the back yard so that children cannot dart into the road when they are being placed in a car? Why are the parents bringing all this attention (media, television photos, street signs, etc.) to their children? Where is the common sense in this situation?
All children (and parents) in town will now know that these children are identified as special needs. Why was this done? Most knowledgeable parents want their children out of the limelight and want them to have every opportunity to blend in with all other children. Parents generally do not want their children to be labeled right off the bat; rather, they want their children to have every opportunity to grow and develop without stigma. For the Frost children, every child on a school bus will now know that the young ones in this house are 'different.'
The parents really need to join support groups that are appropriate, learn positive strategies for raising their children and enhancing their development, and stop thinking that the Town of Kennebunk, drivers on Route 35, and first responders are responsible for the welfare of their children. Use some common sense!
I had no intention for responding to all your comments putting down the idea of a sign.As it seems you all are perfect & have no clue what I do on a daily basis to teach & help my boys but I will respond to the extremely OUTDATED views of LabbieDogsMom comment of the following-
"All children (and parents) in town will now know that these children are identified as special needs. Why was this done? Most knowledgeable parents want their children out of the limelight and want them to have every opportunity to blend in with all other children. Parents generally do not want their children to be labeled right off the bat; rather, they want their children to have every opportunity to grow and develop without stigma. For the Frost children, every child on a school bus will now know that the young ones in this house are 'different.'"
Let's start with your last word "different"-everyone is different, no two people are exactly a like.As for kids & parents knowing my children have Autism, the more that know the better. The hardest part of Autism is social acceptance and it is NARROW minded people like you who make it hard. Why on earth should I want my children to hide who they are. My son plans on telling his class about his Autism, this way they will understand there is a reason for his quirks. Education is the key to acceptance, maybe you should join a support group to learn not to judge others when you don't know them or all the work they do in the Autism community. It was fine that most of you attacked the idea of a sign, but DO NOT attack me or our parenting when you have only heard a 2 minute news story and don't know everything about us.
Sorry I have to comment on this too -
" and first responders are responsible for the welfare of their children"
What on earth does this mean???In the case of an emergency every parent would want their child to be saved.The sign helps first responders know HOW to help my children.If you read my response it is for the safety of first responders too.
Labbiedogsmom - you say I need common sense, I say my sons could teach you a lesson about caring for others & loving people for who they are. As I finish writing this, my anger of your comments are fading and now I feel bad for you. It is sad that you need to judge me and tear me apart on this page, for WHAT??? Do you feel better about yourself??? Do you feel superior now??? We are very positive about our boys which is why we do not feel it is right to hide who they are and AUTISM is a HUGE part of who they are. And I AM EXTREMELY PROUD OF THEM !!!!!!!!!
She wrote her comments last Friday & I have thought about them a great deal.  Most knowledgeable parents want their children out of the limelight and want them to have every opportunity to blend in with all other children. This sentence makes me laugh, "knowledgeable" having three boys with Autism, I think I am quite knowledgeable. "every opportunity to blend" really??? With their quirks they don't blend. It is better the kids know about Autism and understand the quirks. That is much better than kids thinking that the boys are weird or worse the kids picks on the boys for their quirks.
Last year Donald told his class about his AS & it helped him a lot. The kids understood him and he had kids to play with at recess. Before the kids were told they didn't understand him, just thought he was strange. We have found the kids tend to be more receptive then their parents about Autism.
The year is 2010 not 1950, why do people still want to hide differences.  When will people understand that things still exist even though they are not talked about. I have never understood why people pretend everything is OK,  when in the real world we know things happen. After being molested I grew up being ashamed because I never understood what had happened because it was not talked about and people pretended nothing happened. When I was an adult & finally came to terms with being molested & raped, I was so upset about the "hush hush" attitude people took. I vowed to myself to be honest about who I am. My honesty has not always been received well as most don't like talking about such topics but their are many I have helped with my honesty.
Once a customer and I would talk about our kids all the time. Over time I could tell by the way she talked about her son that she was a survivor. One day we went to get a soda during my break, I told her about my past. Then she told me about hers, she had held it a secret for 33 years. That day was a new start for her as she no longer felt ashamed, she was free in a sense. She hugged me and told me that she was so happy I told her my story as it gave her courage. That day confirmed my feelings about being open about who I am is best.
I will bring the boys up having them be open & proud  of who they are as there is no reason to hide their Autism or to pretend they are NT. I know some may not accept or like the boys because of Autism and that is OK, to each their own. It is their loss not ours. My feeling is that I would rather my boys have one true friend that accepts them for who they are, Autism & all then have 10 friend that think the boys are NT. Society accepting Autism is the key to children being successful.

Why???? (original date 8/19/2010)

It has been some time since my last blog as I have been getting the house set up plus filling orders. As things settle down I hope to have more time to write.
WHY??? A month before we moved to Maine I called the local public works department and asked them to put up Autism signs. Two weeks after we moved in the signs were up and they said "Child with Autism Area". These signs help drivers understand that just because Karl looks old enough to understand danger, it doesn't mean he does understand. The signs also let first responders know that my boys may not respond to verbal commands or may be frighten by the lights & sirens. I have alarms on the door& a fenced yard with a lock but as we all know kids can get past things at times. I do know that they are only signs but they do bring awareness.
This past Sunday the sign that was on our lawn was stolen. I couldn't believe it, why would someone steal a sign that was meant to help children be safe. I contacted the police department, small weekly local paper & a local news station. Police told me they would keep an eye out for it & contact public works for the to order a new sign. News paper was full but said they would put it online is they get a chance. Local news station reviewed it for a few days. In the process of waiting to hear from the media, I posted a plea & picture on many Facebook pages. Another local news station contacted me to do the story. I hadn't been that nervous since I had to do an oral report in Dr. Gerard's English class in 11th grade. I made it thru the interview and Giovanna did a great job with the story. There were many comments supporting us and an offer for someone to make a new sign for us. It seems hat the town needs to replace it as it is a road sign. But the wonderful man still wants to make a sign for the boys including their favorite things. It was nice to see such support from strangers.
After that interview I heard from the original station to do an interview. We did it this morning, it was good, although the part of the video with me & the kids flipping over in the hammock may end up on youtube. LOL Caroline did a great job too and it aired tonight. Then I saw that it had been posted to their website & read the comments. Talk about the complete opposite attitude for viewers comments. As if someone stealing the sign wasn't enough, to saw "get control of the kids & put a fence up" Just proves the lack of Autism understanding people have. I did try to explain some other safety I have in place that were not mentioned in the story but it seems my explanation had no listeners.
WHY would someone take the sign?
WHY would people want to bask me?
WHY would someone say I am encouaging seclusion??
WHY did Regis & Kelly fb page delete my plea & Photo??
I would like to send a special THANK YOU to Giovanna, Carolyn & K-bunk Police for helping & supporting me.
*** I am half asleep right now so I will do editing in the morning.***