Today I should have stayed in bed as I woke up to an email from my sister.
This is her email
Honestly
how much of a fucking hypocrite are you, telling K.M she must be at
your house almost every sunday or at least the baby, that you have a
right to see her and she has a right to know her grandparents. That has
got to be the biggest fuckin laugh, I really hope you never see her
again, then maybe you will know the torture you caused your own mother,
every holiday I had to watch her fall apart because she wasn't good
enough to see her daughter or grand children. You told me at the funeral
that she knew you loved her well you were wrong, she died never knowing
her grandsons and knowing her daughter thought nothing of her. you
truely are a piece of shit I hate what you did to my mom and all the
tears she shed over you. I hope those messages she left just days before
she died ring in your head over and over again, begging just to see
you. You told mom to let you live your life your way well listen to
yourself for once let K.M live her life her mistakes are hers and we
just have to hope she learns from them. You reep what you sow in life
and I truely hope you know how your mother felt.
Here is my reply
How
did I know you would jump at the chance to act on this & put your
nose where is does not belong. There are some big differences between
the two situations but I guess you are too small minded to see them. You
always have to look at what you think is going on and never find out
what is really going on. I am so living life over again - Mom always
told you, K.L and K.Lee shit and you all would feel bad for her and
everyone would hate me. Never was my side listened too or believed. Here
a big difference I never lied to Mom or you guys, K.M. on the other
hand tends to lie all the time. I never once told my daughter I hated
her as Mom did to me on many occasions. I am letting K.M. do as she
want and I wished her luck.
You
want to know what rings in my head - being told how ugly & stupid I
am almost daily growing up. How about when I got screamed at in Sears
while I was working because K.Lee got in trouble at school and it was
all my fault, Mom was so bad security wanted to call the police on her.
Being yelled at at the beach for wearing a two piece bathing suit after
having a baby. watching my daughter hide under a table while my mother
tears into me for the millionth time. Or how about when she lived with
me I watched her verbally abuse K.M. and Donald and she looked me
straight in the eye and said "Pay Back Bitch". Then she preceeded to
tell me that she had hated me for 20 years bevause I had an affair with
Dad (did not happen). And you wonder why I stayed away from her after
that. Demia or not my children were not going to be verbally abused.
I want to leave you with one thought, over the last week K.M. called me about you. Telling me you are giving her a real hard time, yelling at her, wanting to know everything she is doing, having her followed and such. Now unlike you I did not sent an email accusing you of stalking my daughter and telling you to mind your own business even though I you did call my house to find K.M. All you found was she lied to you about what she was doing. As she went on and on about you and what you were doing I thought K.M. must be up to her old games and K. is catching on. I did the adult thing and gave you the benefit of doubt and let the two of you work it out for yourselves. Do you see how life is happening all over again??????You get told something and you think the worst, how about you grow up and look at the BIG picture.
Moving Forward
I
said my peace to her and I am going to let it go as best as I can. I am
going on way my day as I planned - workout, work on Donald room and my
normal cooking, cleaning and being a Mom. I am sure I will hear more
before the day is over but oh well, at least at the gym they can not
reach me.
The rest of my day
Today
was a rollercoaster of emotions, I found out that someone lied to K.M.
about something and that is why she is so mad at me. Funny thing is she
knows the truth, she has seen the truth but she still believed this
person. I told her I was hurt that she believed that person and that she
can believe whatever she wants. There is nothing I can do if she would
rather believe lies instead of facing the truth. I came very close to
going into protective mode and deleting 95% of my FB friends and keep to
myself again. With some friends help I didn't and won't, I am staying
strong and I am going to do my best to be confident in myself. I lived
most of my life in fear of what my Mother & Sisters say about me. I
cringe when someone says they know my family and fear what they have
been told about me. Mike wanted to move to Fl just to get me away from
my family so as he said I could bloom without worrying about who knows
my family. I want to bloom, be me, not hide & want my business to be
successful but I fear they will come out and crush me with lies.I have
such anxiety about attention being drawn to me, I hated my baby shower
because I was to be the center of attention. I have lived in my hometown
again for the past twelve years and when I run into friends from HS
they are surprised to hear we are in the same town. I guess I have done a
good job being a wall flower, I WILL work to change that.
On
to good news, Karl is continuing to go potty, Donald is handling his
punishments well & really seems to understand what he did was wrong.
Kyle and I had a great time just tickling and laughing, it made all my
sadness go away. The best news is Mike has an unexpected trip home
tonight so I can cuddle up to him and relax.
Thank
you to all my friends for your support during this hard time. I think
they will leave me alone for a bit as they stirred things up, now they
will walk away laughing thinking that they crushed me. What they don't
know is that this time they only dented me, and my friends helped repair
that dent because I had the courage to reach out and not shut down.
Tomorrow is another day and things will get better.
Red
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