Today is the last day of the boys Christmas vacation and they slept
until 8am this morning. I am looking forward to them going back to
school, they need to get back on schedule. Vacations are nice but it
throws them off schedule and then they act up quite a bit. Today is yoga
class, one hour I can relax and not think about everything I have to do
today. I will complete the two small weighted blankets today, work on
website and start an order for two sweatshirts. After the boys naps it
is play time for the rest of the day, they will have me 100%, no work,
no cooking, just me and the boys relaxing & having fun. We will see
what today brings.
Well it was a very late start today but I
made it to Yoga on time. Too bad it was a bad instructor, I really
wanted that Yoga time. But I went and got a cardio & weight workout
in so all is good. It was another Sunday K.M. couldn't be bothered with
going to Yoga or Family dinner. I understand she is busy but she makes
time for everyone else, she makes me feel like because I don't buy her
& Rosecake things I can't see them. It is always more important to
spend time with her ex's parents, or my sisters than with us. It was the
same thing this whole Holiday season, since Thanksgiving we have seen
them maybe 4 hours. We got 2 hours on Christmas and half of that was
planing the rest of her day and getting ready to go to everyone elses
house. Well on to the good stuff, I chatted with a Mom at the Y, of
course it ended up being about SID & Sensory things related. But it
was nice to chat, I have belonged to the Y for over a year and really
don't know anyone besides the employees. I am polite and say Hi to those
I see often but I am too afraid to make friends because someone may
know my sisters. See I don't have a relationship with my sisters
anymore, I walked away from them a few years ago. I am not good enough
to be part of their family as my Mom always said I am ugly & stupid.
My Mom didn't like me either, in this day & age she would have
been dx with Bi-polar. There was always reality & her version of
reality, well her version about me was never nice and she made sure my
sisters always believed her version. So I gave up trying to be good
enough to be loved by them and since I walked away I am trying to be
confident in myself but it is hard. I know I shouldn't believe my
Mother's words about how ugly & stupid I am but I do, it is hard to
go against what you were told your whole life.
No
matter how sad the previous words are, how my family treated me is
helping me be strong for my boys and is helping me push for their
accepteance in society. I am different from most people I say it like it
is, I am like this because I grew up around so many lies, such fakeness I
couldn't stand it. People thought I had a great family, if they only
knew the truth. All I had growing up was my Dad and my Aunt, they truly
cared for me, they accepted me for me. I will not hide my boys Autism, I
am raising them to be proud of who they are and what they are. It
shows in Donald who this year told his class about his Autism. He felt
that if they understood why he does certain things then they would
accept him and he was right. Now we have to get the parents to be more
accepting. I am teaching my boys that the word Friend should mean
something as it means something to me. If I say you are my friend you
can bet I will be there when you need me. I can't stand when people say
they are my friend but then I have a baby, they know my Hubby is on the
road and not one of these "friends" offer to take Donald to Baseball
practice when they are going to the same place because our kids are on
the same team. Then they comment how they can't believe I am up &
about so soon after having Kyle, like I had a choice. And I can't stand
the "let's get together for lunch sometime" statement and then you
never hear from them but when you run into them all you hear is how busy
they are, well I am busy too but I make time for my friends. Who knows
maybe I expect too much, I don't know, I just want to know I matter as
their friend. It's hard when someone says you are their friend then they
post pictures of a party, yet you were not invited. How are you suppose
to take that???I know I am mis-understood because I believe in being an
honest friend rather than a polite acquaintance. Wow I got way off
track, as I started to say I chatted with another Mom today and I was
glad I had the courage to talk. I completed the weighted blankets, added
water resistant weighted blankets & texture blankets to the website
& relaxed with the boys. So all an all today was a good day, now I
am off to bed early as School starts up again in the morning. YEAH!!!!
Tomorrow is another day, good night.
Red
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