Friday, May 31, 2013

My Last Plea to The Town....

This is my letter to the Town and The School Department in hopes that Karl will be allowed to attend Camp.



This letter is to The Kennebunk School Department & The Town of Kennebunk.

Some of you may know why I am writing but for those of you that don’t I will give a brief summary. My son Karl age 6 has Autism. Last Summer he no longer qualified for Summer Services, he had a fun filled Summer but did not have peer interaction. September of 2012 Karl was mainstreamed into a regular first grade class. For a while Karl could keep up but as things moved along Karl regressed as the work got harder and he became fearful of new things again. Wanting to help Karl work through this regression as fast as possible I worked with KES to find his triggers and together we set up a plan. Part of that plan was that I would attend School functions like assemblies and field trips to help with Karl. When issues came up with gym class I worked with his gym teacher & ST to help him get back on track. By the end of February we had Karl back on track with just about everything, but Karl still gets nervous in new settings and new people.

Knowing Karl does not qualify for Summer Services again I went to the recreation department to find out what type of assistance Karl may be eligible for. I inquired about a 1 on 1 counselor, I was told I had to hire an aid. When I pointed out that the manual states ‘reasonable accommodations for those with a known disabilities” and asked what reasonable accommodations were for children with Autism I was told she would have the Rec Director call me. Late that day he called me and I went over my inquiries. He said I would have to hire an aid on my own. I then asked about a 4:1 child to counselor ratio and was told no that it was not in the budget. I explained that if they were to open the camp up for more kids like Karl that they would get more in volume which would help offset the costs. I was then told by the director that the camp barely breaks even and that “if they were to get more funds they would go on field trips.”  I was QUITE insulted by this comment as it seems more field trips are more important than every child getting to enjoy a camp experience. I was then told that this issue was out of his control because there are no funds. I then left a message for Mr Barry Tibbitts.

The following week when I had not heard back from Mr Tibbitts, I called again. I spoke with him in depth. I asked that if I raised the funds to cover extra counselor for a few 4:1 groups would the Town match funds and allow a few groups. He said he would look into it. He called the following day and said that they would not be able to do it, explaining that we would have hire a professional and it would cost too much. It was clear that Mr Tibbitts is not familiar with Autism and he late told me that his only source of information was a friend that has a child with Autism. I tried to explain that Karl is higher functioning and did not require a professional aid as he can do things on his own, that he just needs more supervision. I offered to help set up groups with 4:1 ratio and that I would even keep Karl home on field days so there will be no extra stress on the camp. The answer was still no. He did ask to see Karl’s IEP to get a better understanding of Karl’s needs. Later that night a friend gave me a website that had details as to what camps can/cannot do when it comes to a child with a disability.



This was his response -

Hello Karleen,  
          Thank you for your email, it is unfortunate that the school funding you were receiving to help you child not regress during the Summer was eliminated.  Budget reductions at the State level have had an impact on the schools ability to assist disability children during the summer.   Our recreation programming is not essential programming like the schools,  we work with families as much as possible to have participation but are also limited by budgetary constraints.   Students with disabilities are welcome but we need to ensure that there is not an undue burden for the program, the appropriate staff can be trained and available at the camp or program, all participants (with and without disabilities) are safe and the camp can function.  
          As I mentioned to you at the close of the conversation in which we discussed these many items, I would be getting back to you and the immediate request to have a one on one or one to four ratio was not feasible from a simply budgetary perspective.   I also shared that the apparent cost could be $6,300 or thereabouts for the nine week program which was not budgeted, those numbers were different than yours at the $2,500 level, at this point we don't know the level of care (trained personnel) for your son. 
 You indicated this care to be low level but we need to understand this to ensure we can deliver on the programming and participation.   Staff has indicated from  your comments that your son could run away from the camp based on noise/over excitement, etc.  This is unusually for our participates and we need to see how or if this can be accomodated.   This is why we need to talk with the school  personnel who developed your son's IEP for Autism.     We have contacted the School and they have not heard from you authorizing this information review.      
          You did indicate the desire to raise funds for your child based on your assessment of having a 1 to 4 (camp counselor to students) ratio, our current ratio is 1 to 13.  The issue I mentioned earlier is the Town needs to fully understand, what is appropriate for any special needs child based on the IEP or another assessment tool, can the child participate in a manner that works for them and the camp and what can be reasonably accommodated without requiring special counselors.  Camps are loud, busy, in motion, constantly changing with activities, getting in lines and groups, field trips,etc, all of which may or may not be conducive to a child that is sensitive to any of the above.    Based on your comments to staff, we need to determine what is the appropriate ratio for your son.  
         I very much appreciate you willingness to share the IEP for your son, as I stated this will help in the evaluation.   Please contact the School and notify them you are willing to allow this review.  Currently based on the information we have the camp is not designed for the lower ratios based on the budget allocations, all needs for the child and other participants will be reviewed.   
Alternative option instead of the Town hiring a trained individual is for you to provide an individual who could work with your son on a one on one basis.  You pay for individual and any taxes etc.   The Town would require a background check, we do this for all counselors.  We would provide the release form for this individual to sign for the background check.   We would also reserve the right to say no to the individual if they were not qualified.  You indicated that you had some relations with UNE and perhaps that connection may serve this alternative function.   

 I have looked at the website you forwarded, it was informative.      

We will wait to here from you about contacting the school (IEP) and if you desire the alternative option of providing a one to one counselor let me know.  

Ths Barry   


That was May 17 and my response the same day was -

Hi Barry,
Thank you for getting back to me. Regarding your statement "Alternative option instead of the Town hiring a trained individual is for you to provide an individual who could work with your son on a one on one basis.  You pay for individual and any taxes etc.  "
II-3.5400 Surcharges. Although compliance may result in some additional cost, a public entity may not place a surcharge only on particular individuals with disabilities or groups of individuals with disabilities to cover these expenses.
Barry I offered to help raise the funds for additional counselors, I offered to help set up  this part of camp  and I have even told you that I would keep my son at home on field trips days so there would be no worries on trips. And you still feel that I should have to pay for camp,  for 1:1 aid and taxes, that is NOT acceptable and not reasonable accommodations. I have an appointment with Disability Rights Center to find out what all my sons rights are next week.
I have tried to explain that does not need a professional at $6,500 for the Summer, he needs a smaller ratio so a counselor will be able to watch him more closely and see if he becomes scared so he will not run.
I sent an email giving you access to Karl's IEP. You should know that an IEP does not give the full picture of Karl's needs for camp because they are different scenarios.
Karleen
      
     

 
  
           
  
That is the background of why I am writing you today, sorry I made it as brief as possible with keeping important details.

Disability Rights Center is not able to help at this time so I am writing to ask that the School Department and Town to work together to find a solution because being told that Karl is too high functioning for Summer Services but too low functioning for camp is unacceptable. Karl needs something to help keep him moving forward. Please review the following information before you make a decision.

-        -  Denying Karl any type of services whether it be classes or camp can and will most likely cause him to regress again this coming school year.
-       -  Karl regressing could possibly cost the School Department more in services to get him back on track than it would cost to have a 4:1 group at camp.
-         - There are other kids in Town that could use the 4:1 group for camp and you would be saving future funds on them as well.
-         - Karl is the proven example of what constant work can do to help a child with Autism succeed in Society. The more that is done for him now the less he will need to rely on State funds to support himself as an adult. Isn’t that our goal for children, that they be able to support themselves??
-         - More Social interaction now will improve his speech since he does not qualify for speech during the Summer.

And most importantly as you can see from the numbers below, there really is not an extra cost if counselors are paid around $10.00 an hour.

Camp Costs - $590.00 for 8 weeks
73.75 each week
X4 for 4:1 group  - $295
$240.00 – Counselor for 4:1 group getting $10.00 an hour for three  8hr days.
+55.00 each week as our kids would not attend field trips

I feel that you all can come to a compromise as to what can be done for Karl. If you cannot come to a compromise be assured I will contact the ACLU for help to get Karl some type of Service as Karl has rights. So the choice is yours:

A. Say no, I take you to court, you pay your lawyers to fight me which I will most likely win and at that point I will go for Karl being allowed to attend camp 5 days a week with field trips with a 1:1 paid by the Town.

B. You find it in the budgets and start a few small groups with a 4:1 ratio which I will gladly help you set up.

This email is being sent on Friday May 31, 2013. Please provide your answer by 12pm on Thursday June 6, 2013 so I will have time to go to the either the courts or the  ACLU on Friday June 7 to file the paperwork needed if your answer is no again. Please understand I am not trying to be a pain but I have compromised on every concern and so far the answer has been no.

Thank you, Karleen


 



Monday, May 27, 2013

No Blue in Our House Today!!!! (4/2/2013)


A few years ago I would  wear blue for World Autism Awareness Day but in the past few years it seem that WAAD is more about raising awareness for Autism Speaks and their money making "Light it up Blue" campaign than promoting Autism Acceptance. Everyone knows that I am a huge advocate for Autism Awareness,  but I will never support Autism Speaks or what Autism Speaks stands for.  Their message of 'Cure & Prevent' is the opposite of the message I give my boys and I cannot/will not go against my values to join the masses by wearing blue. If I did that it would be teaching my boys to conform to what others want them to be or want them to do and I can not do that.

I bring the boys up to embrace their Autism, to own it and for them to be themselves. I do this because I know they are exactly how God intended for them to be. Preventing outstanding boys like them never crossed my mind and I would never cure them as they are not sick. They do things differently, they learn differently and they are gifted. If you have read my other blogs you know I say it like it is and do not give mixed messages. So I will not support Autism Speaks and their work as they do not speak for my sons and because my oldest son gets very upset with how Autism Speaks talk about Autism. I believe in building my boys up with their strengths not supporting an organization that  wants to prevent them from being born.

I am still not sure why people wear bright blue for WAAD day as it is only one of the Autism Colors. The only reason I can see is that it is Autism Speaks color which is why I say WAAD is about Autism Speaks Awareness not Autism Awareness. Autism colors are Red, Yellow, Teal & Navy Blue so on April 2nd wear multicolors to show your support.

Some may say that orange is not in the Autism colors either which is true. That is why when I make my charms or beads for Embracing The World of Autism, the orange embraces the Autism colors as you can see in the attached photo. Plus the color orange meanings really relate to kids with Autism.

April 11 - Wear Orange for 'Embracing The World of Autism Day'  to support Autism Acceptance and for those with Autism to be open about their Autism.

 Orange & how it relates to ASD kids
 
      Orange = Ambition, healing, enthusiasm, fascination, happiness, creativity, determination,
                    attraction, success, encouragement, and stimulation

AMBITION : Our kids have great ambition in their interests & their in their world.
HEALING  :  I am always healed by the smile of a child and how my boys see the world.
ENTHUSIASM  :  Have you ever seen an ASD child stim??? They have more enthusiasm than they can handle:)
FASCINATION  :  Child's choice - Cars, trucks, trains, the color pink, Titanic, snaps, etc.........
HAPPINESS  :  ASD children are very happy children
CREATIVITY  :  Whether it is in the Arts or how they are going to convince us parents that they know more, our ASD children are very creative.
DETERMINATION  :  Our kids have such determination on every task especially is it is about their interests.
ATTRACTION  :  Whether good or bad behavior they attract attention.
SUCCESS  :  Temple Grandin, Albert Einstein, Henry Ford, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Gates, etc.....
ENCOURAGEMENT  :  What every ASD Parent gives their child every moment of every day.
STIMULATION  : With a Sensory Diet for our children's stimulation they are better able to learn and cope with Autism.

Please know that while I do not support Autism Speaks, I know many do support them and I will respect you for your choice and ask that you respect me for mine. We all have different experiences and different beliefs and that is OK :)

Are you my friend or not?? (original date 3/30/2013)

Growing up with a sisters and a mother that lied, put me down and left me out of most things. I am not a person that believes in what a person says or writes. I have always felt that a persons actions or lack of actions show who a person truly is. So if you make a promise to me then do not follow through I will be hurt and I have a right to vent about it on my personal page. If your child is invited to my sons party and you do not RSVP but then post pics of how great your sons birthday party is, I will defriend you as my son was hurt. The most hurtful thing people say "we need to get together sometime," but then they are ALWAYS too busy when asked. You know what I am busy too but I would still try, I still ask for what to hear "when I was out to lunch with so and so" or "out with friends but I will get back to you" or the best post pics of girls night out that you had. Well I am done trying....
I know some think I am a bitch because I am assertive and passionate about things I believe in or when it comes to getting Society to do right by children. What you may not get my voice and my words are all I have so I use them to stand up for what is right. Yes I will call out a restaurant that clams to be GF friendly but are not following protocol because I would not want a friend of mine to have a seizure because they were mislead or have my youngest screaming all night with gas pain because of cross contamination. Yes I will use experiences my children face to help a group understand what is really going on in schools if I think it will help. Only to be called into the office and told I am not to share my sons experience. While many feel my assertiveness is too much, I say my assertiveness is making people think and that could lead to changes.
Autism - Yes Autism is ALL I talk about but that is because I have NOTHING else to talk about. As I said I do not go out to lunch with friends or have girls night out. My boys do not get invited over by friends, only been to 5 birthday parties for 3 kids since we moved here. My boys never have play dates no matter how much we ask. We do have sports but that is only a couple of months a year.
So for the reason to my blog today, I am done crying which means I am done trying. I was basically told that maybe I should stop doing so much like promoting Autism Awareness, The Autism Game and other things to have more time to do my sons homework. First no son has no interest in doing his homework because he feels it is a wastes of time and he already knows most of it so it does not matter how much time I have on my hands, getting him to do his homework is the most stressful art of my life. Second, taking away my work for Autism Awareness leaves me with no life and then I would feel more worthless than I already feel.
So here it is, if you want to be a part of my life, say what you mean and then follow through. Do NOT make vague comments and then be too busy all the time as that is just mean. Be honest, if you do not want your kids hanging out with my kids then say so. If your kids do not want to hang out with my kids don't feel they have to because were friends, tell me the truth, my kids doesn't like Donald. We would much rather know the truth than to be left hanging thinking we have friends.
It is interesting that I have strong friendships with many on facebook that I have never met and they seem to accept me for who I am and message me the minute they know something is wrong wishing they were closer. But others nearby could careless....  I know some are truly busy but there are many I just feel like they are nice to my face but really don't care and I need to know where I stand with people.
With all that said, if you are not a true friend to me, just defriend me from facebook and we will be acquaintances in town when we see each other. Because right now I need only true friends in my life right now.

Chorus (original date 2/3/2013)

Tonight I am reminded why I work so hard for the Kennebunk Community to understand Autism. Last Summer my Karl almost died from a Peritonsillar Abscess and was traumatize from all that was done to him by Doctors and Nurses.  Then he was put through a sleep study followed by another surgery. With all Karl was put through he regressed about two years in Social Interaction. I have been working with his teachers to help him work through his issues.  One area he struggles with is Chorus rehearsals, he struggles with the transition of the end of school and start of chorus and has trouble sitting still but does fine with performances at Monday Morning meetings. I have been trying to help finding strategies to help Karl work through his struggles, on 1/23 his teacher and I came up with a reward system and explained it to Karl. What I did not know was the following Wednesday 1/30 would be his last chance. He did well going to Chorus but struggled during so the next night I received an email telling me he was dismissed from Chorus. While I understand rules need to be followed and friends can tell you I make my boys follow the rules. Something is unsettling Karl during rehearsal which is keeping him from sitting still. I could understand his dismissal if I was ignoring the issues or if Karl was out of control yelling and stuff. This is not the case, I have been trying to help and to me Karl's behavior is not malicious. Karl is walking around a bit, not sitting still and last week hid under coats crying. While this behavior is wrong, I do not feel it required dismissal on the first rehearsal since starting a reward system.
Since last Thursday I have emailed the teacher asking for Karl to have another chance. I have offered to aid Karl during rehearsal to help find out what is bothering him. Tonight I found out that Karl will not be given another chance. I was told "A pattern of "one more chance" has changed into too many chances and Karl being confused about what the commitment involves."  My feelings on that statement are that I was NEVER told Karl had 'one more chance' and that Karl does not understand 'one more chance'  with things like this because I work with him to figure out what is bothering him or distracting him and teach him how to work though it. I have been told that Karl can ask to rejoin at the end of February but I do not think I will let him join/rejoin 'optional' School Activities again. I cannot take the chance that  this will happen again when he struggles. He has Autism and will go through regressions for which I teach him to work through. I do not believe in a teacher or coach putting him out of Chorus or a sport without exhausting every option, have him come back only to be put out again when he struggles. This method is NOT how a child with Autism learns to work through things.
Knowing Karl is going to be very upset when I tell him that he can no longer sing at the Monday Morning meeting, I have emailed the school telling them he will most likely be staying home tomorrow. When we moved here 2.5 years ago Karl barely spoke, this time last year he was asked to join Chorus because he sang so well. He is so proud when he sings at Monday Morning meetings and now that has been taken from him.
Society needs to understand that taking away the one thing a child with Autism has pride in can devastate the child and cause more regression. I will not put him back into Chorus unless I know that his struggles will be handle on the methods of helping him and not punishing him for things he does not understand. I can only pray that this dismissal from Chorus does not cause him to lose interest in singing.

Discipline (original date (1/3/2013)

I know many struggle with disciplining a child with Autism. Many feel that if Autism is to blame then it is not the child's fault so they should not be punished. In my opinion Autism is never the reason for bad behavior, Autism may be the reason the child has a lack of understanding what is right & wrong. As parents we have to teach all children the difference between right & wrong and when a child has Autism it may take longer & we may have to find different techniques but the lesson can still be learned. With that said I will add that Sensory issues can be at the root of bad behavior at times but a child still needs to learn that the bad behavior is not acceptable. I will explain more throughout this Blog.

I understand many feel that when dealing with a child that has Autism we have to use kid gloves, protect them and shelter them from many things in Society. The feelings are justified as we understand our children best and want to keep the safe from the the negativity in the world today. But in the real world that is not realistic, so you need to decide if you want your child to be able to live somewhat independently or not. I know that some children with Autism may never be able to live independently but that decision can not be determined until the child is in late teens. My feelings are that until my boys are in their late teens I will teach treat them as they will live independently and teach them everything they will need to know to accomplish that. The most important thing to teach them is what is right & wrong and discipline is needed to do that.
Tantrum or Sensory Meltdown - Easy way to tell the difference  - Is the behavior 'need based' or 'greed based'??? The answer to that question will tell you if your child is having a 'meltdown' or 'tantrum' and that will tell you how to proceed. Need Based - Child can't handle surroundings so such noise, small, crowd, etc...  Greed Based - Child wants a toy, candy, etc.... Now if it is Sensory I try to redirect, if that does not work I give the boys a time out. Doing this consistently teaches my boys that the behavior is not acceptable & to choose the redirecting over the time out. We can teach coping skills all we want but if we never teach them the meltdown is bad behavior they will never learn to use those skills. When they are adults they will not be able to have a meltdown at work because of a sound so they need to learn coping techniques to help them. If it is tantrum  - They get a time out immediately.  If the behavior is dangerous, hitting, hurting others, jumping from tall heights, running off, etc..... then they get a time out immediately to understand the seriousness of the situation then follow up with a talk and/or social story.

There are many different way to discipline but the key is to be consistent no matter how long it takes. For K&K (3 & 4) They get time outs and DJ 9 get time outs & loss of privileges. Karl is my most severe, when he was 18 months he would throw things when frustrated as he was nonverbal and his receptive language was far below his age. I was pregnant with Kyle and knew Karl's throwing would be dangerous to Kyle. I started giving Karl a 2 minute time out every time he threw something. At the start he was throwing things 4-6 times a day, over the weeks it got better and by the time Kyle was born he was not throwing during normal play. There were times during therapy he would throw an item to the floor but it was a controlled throw not sporadic throwing all over as he had done before. Some bad behavior has been corrected with a few time outs while other corrected with a few hundred time outs.

Going out - I know going to the store, restaurants & other public places can be hard to do with a child with Autism but it can be done. the key is to keep consistent with discipline while out. I take a flyer disc frisbee out with me as a time out spot. If we are in Walmart & they act up they get a time out in the store. My boys have gotten time outs whenever they behaved badly no matter where we were. Many think I am wrong to discipline my boys because they have Autism, teaching them that bed behavior has consequences is the main reason I can take the boys to stores, Church, restaurants, flea markets & events by myself. And many people tell me how impressed they are with my boys good  behavior.

Older kids - Donald is turning 12 in July, we are very open & honest with Donald about his quirks & behavior. When he corrects me with facts on just about anything. I looked at him and say "if you ever want to have a girlfriend you will need to stop correcting and wait until you are asked for help." We have open talks about being Social Appropriate & other Social things to help him understand what he will face when he is on his own. When he has times he wants to be lazy I fire him from his chores, during these times he gets no extras & has to go to bed early. I explain to him that if he is lazy at job he will be fired and not be able to afford extras. I know that having a career will be hard for Donald because of some of his quirks so I am starting now to help him understand what expectations will be so he won't be rushed to find coping skills to help him.

Hope this helps some that are new to Autism:)

Emergency IEP Meeting (original date 12/11/2012)

Some of you may know that Karl has been struggling this school year.  Part of his struggle comes from the fact that he was in a very small class last year, there were only 7 kids with 3 teachers. As I said "he was in a bubble" which was very structure so his teacher and others did not see his 'Autism Behaviors.'  With the school not seeing his 'Autism Behaviors' many things were not put in place for Karl to be mainstreamed in a large class. This year he is in a class of 20 with only 1 teacher.  The other part of his struggle comes from being traumatized over the Summer with the Peritonsillar Abscess, sleep study and then tonsillectomy. He has regressed in many social behaviors and he has a great deal of fears now. This has been very upsetting because he had made so much progress through the years but I have been trying to be positive that this to shall pass. At the start of school I informed everyone at school about his trauma and talked with his teacher in depth about my fears of him not being prepared for mainstreaming. We are very lucky that Karl's is very enthusiastic about working with me to help Karl. Her & I have had many strategy talks to help Karl and most things have helped him a great deal but he is still having trouble and he is getting stressed.
At the meeting we all agreed that Karl's acting out is from his trauma, Karl trying to fit in, major growth spurt and that Karl is trying to figure out who he is. Some of his behaviors are typical (Yeah!!!) but he doesn't filter things the same as typical kids. At the meeting we talked about bringing a strict schedule back to give him some stable comfort. They will make up a picture rule board to help him to give him a better visual of the rules. They are going to work with his friends and try to make recess more structured since he can not handle free play as it is overstimulating for him. If Karl breaks the rules he will need to see his school case manager so she can explain what he did wrong and he will be told immediately that he has lost computer for the day. If we waited  until he came home it would be late for him to understand the punishment goes to the crime. They will start using my color code system to get him back on track for assignments and tasks.**  His teacher asked if she might me expecting too much of him with writing, sitting still for long periods of time and other tasks that typical kids do. I think I surprised her a bit when I said how I always set the boys expectations higher. I explained that giving him the comfort of a picture schedule will help him process the higher expectations better. Kind of a give and take technique, we give him the structure and he does the harder tasks. It was so nice to be at a meeting where everyone is in agreement:)
The best part of the day: Karl joined us at the end of the meeting as school let out. We talked with him about consequences will be the same as school & home. We explained that if he breaks the rules he will lose the computer for the day. We also explained that if he does really well at school he can earn extra time on the computer. I told him that he could earn and extra 15 minutes on the computer. He tilted his head, looked at us with his bright blue eyes and said "How about 20 minutes?"  We all busted started laughing and marveled over how cute he is and of course we agreed to 20 minutes :)
**Color Code System - I carry cards with me that are green, yellow, orange and red. When the boys start to act up they get a warning, if they continue the color code with go from green to yellow.  If the bad behavior continues they will go to orange then red. Now if by chance they started behaving better they could always move back a color. I use the colors in different forms - If we are on an outing and they reach red, we leave and go home right away. If we are in a store and they do not reach red they get a reward at the register, usually candy.

One Year Ago (original date 12/10/2012)

Ever since I was a  little girl I wanted to have my own shop, although what type of shop changed through the years. I lived in Cranston RI until I was 8 years of age. I parents frequently visit their friends Fish store and I always stated that I would one day be a Fish Store Lay too.  Through the years it went from Fish Store to a  Candy Store, a Tall Girl Store then I went to High School and things changed. I tried taking business courses but I have difficulty with typing and shorthand because my finger are croaked. I switch my studies to Art, mostly Photography. I had always loved taking pictures so I took Photography, Painting, Drawing and any Art class available. I felt at home in all my Art classes, relaxed and for the first time I enjoyed School, well Art classes that is. I was not a bookworm, I struggled in ALL major subjects as I had a Learning Disability that my Mother refused to acknowledge.  All the struggling caught up to me senior year in English, Mr Hall told me that if I had gotten an 80 on the final then I would pass the class. With my Father in the hospital dying I studied as best as I could. I went to Mr Hall at the end of the day to find out my grade, he told me I got an 86 but he still failed me, he stated "you could have gotten a 100, I would have still failed you. Well I aced Summer School, the day I graduated Mrs. C told my Dad that if I had been in the correct classes for my LD then I would have passed without struggling. Of course my Mother was not there to here is as she refused to go to my Graduation stating that it was not a real Graduation.  As I wrote in a previous blog, my Father passed away that night. His last words to me were " You will be the one to make it." For which I laughed as my sisters had much better grades than I did... Then he said "But you are the only one with Street Smarts & Common Sense."  Again I laughed, he gave me a kiss and told me "I Love You Tiger."
Through the years I worked retail and found that I loved setting up displays and many people told me I was a natural at decorating. Fast forward to about 5 years ago, I started making bunting sets for Karl to keep his hands warm while sleeping since we had drafty windows. When I finished I thought maybe I could make PJ bottoms so I wouldn't have to pay $38.00 anymore to get my size.  One day I talked my older sister about an idea to start my own business. My thought was to start a Decorating Business where I would make curtains, pillows and other items for clients to decorate with. She said my idea was to vague and would never work even though I tried to explain that being versatile would help as i would be able to change with the times. I took time and did some research and starting 'Karleen's Ideas for Colors & Decorating.'  Then the housing market went down, way down so no one was decorating. Then I was asked by Donald's OT if I could make weighted blankets because many parents could not afford online prices. I did a lot of research and made one, his OT loved it and parents asked me to make them for their children. Over the next couple of years I learned a lot about Autism as Donald and Karl with diagnosed. I was continuously making news things to help them and I dropped 'for Colors & Decorating' from my business name.
Most of my work over the next couple of years was making weighted blankets & weighted vests. During this time I started making Shell Crafts again which had been a childhood hobby for me. I did craft fairs in RI now & then, everyone loved my work but I sold very little. I continued to make weighted items for some of the RI Early Intervention programs, received a few online orders and some sales to friends. When we moved to Maine, I continued making weighted items and started to expand to other sensory items. I also built up stock of fleece items, jewelry and shell crafts. In 2011 I set up for a few crafts fairs, did The Tuesday Night Market, again everyone loved my work but sales were not happening as I had wished :(  Having three boys with Autism, I found packing up everything for fairs to be too time consuming for the few sales I had. I then did research and found that our house was zoned Home Occupation, I decided to open a shop at the house.  This way I could be here  for the boys, make dinner, clean house, make items and run the shop. I decorated the porch, got bookshelves from freecycle, got permits and used facebook to spread the word about Karleen's Ideas.  On December 3, 2011 our family took part in the Hat Parade and handed out flyers for the opening with a coupon for the shop.
On December 11,2011  I opened the Shop, I was nervous, scared, excited and hopeful all at once. I had a few friends stop buy to make a purchase and support my opening. When I found out that I was only allowed 5 costumers a day, I had hoped I would be lucky enough to get 5 costumers a week. Well in reality I maybe have 5 customers in the shop every few months. Luckily online sales picked to help keep the shop afloat.  Throughout the year, I have done many posts on facebook (even got bashed for some), networked with other small businesses online, started a Shop Local-Southern Maine group, donate items for local Silent Auctions and fundraisers, help promote others in town to shop small and local, ask a local paper to do a story on the shop (still hoping), ads on Craigslist and networks with therapists and teachers. The one thing that I couldn't  do afford was to place an ad in the papers :(  While i do wish I was busier each week, I am very happy with the friends & customers that did come in. I love watching peoples reaction to seeing all the items I have created, the wonder in their screams 'how did she make all this' or 'wow what patience to put those shells on one at a time' and then the big question for the larger items "How long did it take you to finish this?"   The one statement I never understand is when people say "you are not charging enough."  If that is the case then why aren't I selling more???? is what I would love to say but I know times are hard on many so I say hopeful things will pick up.
Tomorrow marks one year ago that I opened Karleen's Ideas :)  I am proud of myself for doing it against the odds, I love that I followed my gut and most of all I love that each day I can make a new creation for someone to enjoy :)   I hope that someday I will have the opportunity to open a shop down at the Port but until then I will enjoy my little shop on the Porch :)

Today (original date 12/2/2012)

What a day today, a very lazy morning cuddling with the boys watching Christmas movies/shows. Then K&K were ask to clean their room but instead they made a bigger mess so for the first time since moving here we did not get to see Santa arrive on the Lobster Boat:(  Since Donald had done his chores I took him down to the Port to look around & shop. We didn't buy anything but we had a good time just walking around & talking. While we were at the Port Mike was dealing with K&K trying to get them clean their room. Well they were being really stubborn and trying to see if they could get Daddy to break. I am so proud of Mike holding his ground all day. When I got home that had to finish half the room in order to eat dinner, which they did:)  Then after dinner they had to finishing cleaning but chose to play:(  So I told them at 5:50 that they had to have their room cleaned by 6:30 or they would have to go straight to bed and I would throw out their toys that were still on the floor. It is now 6:17 and they are just about done and looking forward to cuddling:)
Dinner - I bought a 4.5lb roast for dinner, it should have been enough for two meals, NOT :(   Donald has reached puberty for which his appetite has grown immensely. Karl & Kyle had their tonsils out last month and they are eating non-stop now that they can swallow food better and they are sleeping better. So I have three boys going through a major growth spurt all at once:(   So the roast that should have been enough for two meals is only enough for 1 meal and for one person to have lunch.  Looks like I will be looking for some really good meat sale. LOL
It is 6:30 and the boys have finally finished cleaning their room:)

How to know??? (original date 10/19/2012)

One of my sons keeps stating a friend has invited a group of them to an event next week but my son has not received a paper invitation. So how do I know if the verbal invite is legit??  Now I am sure that you are thinking, just ask the parents. I could do that but then if then the parents may feel compelled to say yes my son was invited when he hadn't been.  Sometimes it is so hard to know when a person is speaking in generals and when they are being sincere. You know when someone says let's do lunch sometime but then sometime never happens. So you are left wondering, did they forget, were they just being polite or are they just too busy. Teaching an Aspie to understand the difference between a friend and an acquaintance is hard when there are times I do not know the difference.
There is one person who says I am a dear friend of hers but in two years I have never been to her house and  never been invited to any events she has had.  So am I a dear friend of hers or is that just something she says when I have just done something for her??? How to know???
At least I know where I stand with my boys:)  They are who they are and you always know where you stand with them which can be a positive aspect of Autism.  I wish more people could be clear with their feeling and/or intentions and get rid of polite phoniness !!!  But until then I guess the boys and I will worked together trying to figure it out.

What Kids Hear From Parents (original date 8/28/2012)

As we all know tweens and teens have selective hearing which drives us parents crazy. But then there are times we find our kids are listening when we think they are tuning us out.  Here is a story about Mike & I finding out that Donald not only listens to what we say, he believes in what we say.
If you have seen my car in town, I am sure you have heard the 50's music blaring from it. My boys love the old songs and we have a blast singing them loudly.  Sorry if we are not in tune but it is about us having fun:)  While singing the other day Donald asked "what does it means when they say - 'why do bird sing so gay'?"  So I explained that in the time the songs were written 'gay' meant happy. Seeing this as a teaching moment I asked him if he knew what 'gay' meant nowadays. He said "yes when a girl loves a girl or a boy loves a boy."  Then we went on to discuss how he felt about it and I found that he wants everyone to be accepted for who they are and he feels people have the right to love who they want to love.  I was blown away with pride in Donald, I had no idea he was so knowledgeable about the topic. Not because we hide it from him but because when raising a child with Autism we handle things based on what they can handle. We talk about things but not always covering the whole topic as we believe in letting our children lead the way for what they are ready to know. For example - After the School had 'The Talk' with the 5th graders, Donald came home and was upset because he was not ready for what they covered. If we had known what was to be covered we would have given him the option of staying home that day.
Fast forward to yesterday, Donald had an annual checkup with his Doctor.  We were talking about Donald's Doctor about things he does and does not do, like selective hearing and his laziness. She felt this was a great segway to talking about changes his body will go through. During this talk Donald brought up our discussion we had the week before. When I mentioned how proud I was, Donald replied with - "I hear how you & Dad talk about these things and support people and I agree. People should be allowed to love who they want, Mom you taught me that. I listen to your talks about things on facebook and in the news."
This is a great example of how a parents views on topics affect our kids. As for me I was brought up in a family that was very prejudice against many things in life. I saw how unhappy being so judgmental made them, especially how they judged everything about me.  So I grew up the complete opposite of my family:):)  I have found that life is so much better when you accept others for who they are as a person. Does this mean I like everyone, no there are many people I do not trust but I do not judge based on life choices. I judge by negatives actions of the person or the negative aura a person gives off. Yes you read it right "aura" I can feel a persons aura and know when they are true to heart and when they are dishonest:(  This can be a blessing and a curse as I do not have control of it and sadly there are many dishonest people in this world and many who say one thing but their aura says another:(  I do not even have to meet them in person too know, I can feel their aura through their words online or  speeches on TV. (I have to say Mitt is not an honest person)
Many of you know I am always advocating for Autism Acceptance and I am very happy that my boys are taking these lessons to others in life!!!!!