Fidget Spinners

      Spinners are very popular right now and there is quite the controversy about them. Schools are banning them as they are disrupting class, parents insisting their children 'need' them for Autism and ADHD. Well here is my take on Spinners.

      As many of you know, our shop Karleen's Ideas started with making weighted blankets, lap pads, vest and other Sensory Items to help Special Needs children. We have grown over the years to include other Sewn Items, Jewelry, Wall Art, Shell Art and Sensory, Therapy & Social Toys. We have a great selection of Fidgets - Spinners, Cubes, Bracelets, Rings, Tangles, Chew Tubes, Pencils, Balls, etc....all great for fidgeting. The key is to know what item works best for different senarios, whether the child is at home, school, a baseball game, etc.....different fidgets may work better in different places. For example a child may like using a chewy tube at home but a chewy pencil topper may work better at school.

    Having 3 sons with Autism, I understand that the schools need to understand our children need to fidget. But we as parents need to understand that typical child have a right to an education without being distracted. My children's right to fidget does not trump a typical child's right to an education. This is where Special Needs Parents need to pick and choose our battles. Yes our children should have the right to fidget but our children do not have the right to disrupt class. Now if spinners were the only fidget available, then my views would be different but spinners are not the only fidget available. Hell when Donald was in elementary school his only fidget was velcro under his desk and a bungee cord on his chair and it worked. Parents should be thankful we have so many more options now and many of them do not disrupt the class.

   My point is, appreciate that we have more options and choose a fidget that does not disrupt other children. I agree with the schools, spinners should not be allowed in class!! With that said they should be allowed at recess. I have seen many comments from Special Needs Parents saying "typical kids should not be allowed to use them"........."It is not fair that they are sold as toys"........."why do regular kids have to ruin it for our kids".... and other things like that. Seriously??? They are sold as toys because they are a toy, a fidget toy yes, but still a toy. I think it is great that there is a toy that ALL children like and that is bringing kids together. The child that stays alone at recess may now have kids talking to him/her about spinners, showing each other tricks, trading and having fun. Spinners could be a great opener for future friendships!!! 

    The attitude of 'us verses them' has to stop!!!!   To the parents who want to insist their child can use a fidget spinner even though it distracts the class, you are setting your child apart from the class. We need to find the middle ground to help our children and not promote separation. Fidget cubes are a great middle ground, they can fidget and not distract the other kids.  Demanding your child can use one will only make it harder to fit in. We all need to work to bring our children together not serarate them!!

 

Rocktopia

Last night was the most amazing experience for our Donald!!!  He sang in the Choir for Rocktopia, we are so proud of him for all that he has achieved. During the concert Karl struggled with being overstimulated by the loud music and lights. At one point during the concert, I looked at Karl & Kyle next to me and Donald on stage and realized that I was dealing with all stages of anxiety from Autism all at once and figured it would make a good blog.

On different online forums, we all see posts, questions and memes about Autism. When I see questions about a topic that I have helped the boys with, I comment. Lately I have been getting bashed by other Autism Parents and adults with Autism. Many stating that I have no idea what Autism and or SPD is, that I should be more understanding, go easier on the boys and allow them to live in their own world. Karl saw the comment about living in their own world and said "I live in the real world and my own world when needed."  He is 10 years old and realizes that he needs to be able to cope with living in the real world and he is glad that I try to help other parents with my techniques. I am sorry but way too often I hear, "my child cannot do .... because he/she has Autism."  It breaks my heart to hear that as I heard my boys wouldn't be able to do many things and they are doing them because I kept trying new techniques to help them cope. I know not every technique will help every child, the key is to never stop trying new techniques.

Back to Rocktopia - A few weeks ago, Donald got a message about being in a choir for an upcoming concert. All he needed to hear was that it consisted of Classical and Classical Rock, he was hooked. After the first rehearsal I asked, on a scale of 1 to 10, how excited are you? He said "Mom the scale is broken, this is going to be so lit."   This was quite different from the Donald I knew 7 years ago!!!!  Seven years ago when we lived in RI, Donald's Chorus group sang the National Anthem for a Providence Bruins game. After they sang we were in the stands watching the game, watching Donald try to be excited and deal with the noise made for a very interesting game. I have a video of him clapping, covering his ears with his hands, then clapping, then covering, etc.... We watch that video now and all we can do is laugh. Pushing Donald out of his comfort zone with my techniques over the years took Donald from covering his ears to singing on stage with an orchestra right in front of him, lights everywhere, loud rock music, cheering crowds, etc..... all the while he is handling it all without issue. He is on cloud one thousand today from the amazing experience :)  I wish I knew a stronger word for proud!!!!

Now while I am tearing up with tears of pride watching Donald on stage, I am also holding Karl who is struggling. The day before the concert Karl was adamant that he was not going to the concert. He had every reason lined up, he yelled at me that there was no way he would attend and he begged me to let him stay home. While there was a large part of me that wanted to protect him and let him stay home, a larger part knew that I had to help him work through his fears and anxiety to experience something amazing. I talked with Karl about his worries and how I would be there to help him work through them, so he agreed to go. Last night we had to bring Donald dinner and clothes, the boys and I had an extremely long wait for the concert to begin, then there were technical issues which delayed entry. Luckily Karl carrying a backpack that weighed over ten pounds helped him regulate. After we were allowed to enter, we went to our seats, let the boys look around, then walked around the hallways for a bit to walk off some pent up energy. We planned our seats so we were on the aisle and the wall was behind us so he didn't have to worry about being in the middle of the crowd.

Then the concert began and Karl shut down emotionally. He had a blank stare, I got his attention and signed "are you OK?" he said "No."  I pulled out the ten pound family lap pad and the thick earmuffs. He got better for a bit. Then he put his head in his lap and was crying, the lights were hurting him. At first he used the lap pad to block the lights, then he used the earmuffs. I knew he wanted to leave, I wanted to give in but felt this was too important, that we had to stay. I held him and he would squeeze my hand when it was too much. Slowly he started to take interest in the music. During intermission, I went against my norm and allowed him to play Candy Crush to relax. We talked about how he had been feeling and that it was worth trying to get through the second half of the concert and he agreed.

Well during the second half, he was a different child. He was watching more of the concert, singing and then playing an air guitar, rocking out to the music. My heart leaped with joy, had tears of happiness but most of all he was having fun. After the concert Karl and I talked about how he felt during the first half and  he said he was glad we stayed. This morning I asked him if he would go to another Rocktopia concert and with excitement in his eyes and voice he yelled "YES." 

While I was helping Karl cope, Mike was with Kyle. By the time Kyle was born, I had learned a lot about Autism and had started creating techniques to help Karl and Donald cope with Autism, OCD, ODD and SPD issues. This allowed me to apply those techniques very early with Kyle which means he has less issues at the age of eight then Karl and Donald did. Before the concert Kyle did have a temper from his anxiety but was excited about the concert so he pushed through. Kyle did not have any anxiety during the concert. He loved the concert!!! After he was oversensitive and had a meltdown from being tired but things quickly got better with Mom cuddle time :)

It is so easy to sit behind a computer and accuse someone of being mean, not understanding Autism, that they don't get Sensory Processing Disorder because you feel their techniques will not work. But when that parent says it has helped her three sons with Autism overcome many obstacles maybe, just maybe she knows what she is doing and maybe she can help you and your child. I would have loved for someone to post techniques that help. Sadly all to often posts and blogs are only about how hard it is to raise a child with Autism, reasons why meltdowns should be allowed, why their child cannot do a task, etc... when there are ways to help. If you feel something won't help your child, fine but there is no need to bash someone when it helps their child and many others.

I am hoping that after reading this blog you can understand that there are ways to help children with Autism cope in the real world. That keeping them home in fear of what might happen only enables them to not try new things. Our children need to try new things, experience events, go to the store, go swimming in the ocean, discover their own interests and most of all LIVE.

Every child with Autism should have the chance to go from covering their ears in a crowd to singing on stage at a Rocktopia concert.

Thank You to Camille & Ann for inviting Donald to be in the Choir!!!

A Heart filled Thank You to Rocktopia for bringing your amazing talents to Maine, allowing my boys to have the most unforgettable first concert experience.

If Rocktopia is coming to your area, I highly recommend you go, it is the most Amazing Concert11!

The Hate Needs to Stop!!

         As a Mom I have worried about my children but I did not lived in fear,  as an Autism Mom, I worry and have a few fears, well that all changes this afternoon when Mr. Trump is sworn in. For the first time since I heard the word Autism 11 years ago, I have great fear for my sons future, for their freedom, education and protection from others. I have seen so much hate with this election, it scares me. BTW it is on both sides, not just one side.

        While part if me wants to posts all of Trump's shortfalls to try to get others to understand why everyone needs to be concerned, I won't because it won't help. All the posts do is promote arguments, name calling and hate. While there have been times I was able to have healthy debates with Trump supporters as I tried to understand why they felt Trump was a good choice. Please note, I did try to understand, I searched, and searched trying to find one good plan of his that would give me a bit of hope that he will be a good President. Sadly most of my debates turned nasty from the other side, I was called things I would never even call my worst enemy. The worst part of that was some that I thought were my friends allowed it to happen. I am all for a healthy debate but the hate was too much for me.

        The hate in this country is what is destroying America, THE HATE NEEDS TO STOP!!!

      For 8 years I have watched many blame Obama for everything wrong in their life. It feels like America saw two different President Obama. For a long time I have been wondering how is it, so many see him so differently. Last night looking at many different post comments about the Obama's leaving the white house, it came to me. Most people see what they want to see, they understand their single view of the topic and refuse to acknowledge other possibilities. Not many have the ability to look at both sides and see the bigger picture. Maybe it is because of my upbringing, being so sick, having to be wallflower, and by being a survivor, I have a very different perspective on life, my views on topics are out of the box, hell most of the time I destroy the box. One of the big topics Trump supporters keep stating it is Obama's fault that there are so many mass shootings nowadays. I have read many arguments on this topic and read many reasons why everyone thinks it is Obama's fault and it seems many miss the fact that Obama was not holding the gun, therefore it is not his fault.

        America also needs to face the fact that one person is not responsible for another's choice. I grew up in a house with parents that were prejudice towards others. Does that mean that I grew up being prejudice?  Hell no, I grew up the direct opposite. I spent most of the first 4 years of my life in a hospital, I am a survivor of every form of abuse, I was molested by 2 different people for years before I was 8 and I was raped by a boyfriend at 17, do I blame my shortfalls on them, no. Do I blame them for things that go wrong in my life, no. It happened, it sucked and yes it is still hard to overcome some of the shit I went though but I do my best to be a good person. While my experiences left me with a lot of insecurities, it also left me with a very different perspective of life. I look for the best in life, I find the silver lining to the clouds, I own who I am and what I have done and do not blame anyone or anything for my decisions. Now what could be the silver lining of my childhood hell??  Easy, my perspective on life has helped me help my children. The roadblocks of so many illnesses have helped me realize that the diagnosis of Autism does not limit my sons future, it does not define who they are or that no matter what, they can and will be independent. No President, friend, foe or even my parents created who I am today. I created me by the choices I made in life, I am the one that is accountable for my actions, not the President, not my parents, me. I think that is something Society needs to understand, no one makes the choice for you, you make your own choices. In high school I drank, I drank a lot to try and hide from the hate and abuse form my mother. I was making a bad choice, many would say it was her fault, that telling me daily how ugly I was and how she hated me and wished she had aborted me would be a good reason to drink, but it wasn't. Then one day I was so depressed I drank a bottle of vodka in an hour, passed out and couldn't remember a thing the next day. After the hangover, I thought about how I felt, I knew I could not continue down that path so I made the decision that I would not drink when I am depressed. It can be hard at times but for the most part I have kept to that decision. Have I slipped up a couple of times? Yes I am human and I make mistakes but I hold myself accountable. Who I am today was not decided by the actions of others, it was because of the choices I have made, some good, some bad but in the end, I do not blame others, I just do the best I can to be a good person and to help others.
      

         So to all those that want to blame Obama for mass shootings, stop!  Put the blame where it belongs, the person holding the gun. They made the wrong choice and deserve to be punished for it. But you blaming Obama for what the shooter has done, is you making the choice to spread hate for Mr. Obama when Mr. Obama didn't even know the shooter. And you and others spreading hate for Mr. Obama is not resolving or proving anything, it is just creating more hate, so STOP!

       Soon Mr. Trump will become my President, while my stomach is twisted with stress about it, I will not bash him, I will not put him down because I want the hate to stop. For everyone that does not support Mr. Trump, please do not act as many did towards Mr. Obama. No matter who is President, it is up to every individual to make the a decision - Do you want the hate to continue or do you want it to stop?  If you see a post that upsets, you have three choices, spread hate, ignore it or look into how you can help those affected by the post.  No ones controls your response but you!!  I for one will be ignoring or finding ways to help, but if I do see hateful comments I may reply with -

#TheHateNeedsToStop