I have always known I have a different veiw on things, I always
thought it was because of how I was brought up. I have talked about how
my mother & sisters treated me. But there is so much more I went
thru, most of what I will talk about was told to me as I don't have much
memory from my childhood. When I was 11 weeks I became very sick,
Doctors had no idea what was wrong. I would grab my stomach and squeeze
so hard I would cut my stomach with my nails, cry and had bad bowel
movements. Because of the pain I was put on a high dose of predazone
(sp?). By the time I was 3 1/2 I had been admitted into the hospital 57
times and that did not count the times I went and stayed in the ER for
hours to be sent home with no answers. I never had food, I had a meat
based formula, that my Dad said looked like shit & smelled like
shit, to this day I can not eat gravy. By the age of two I was a model
patient at the hospital, I helped the nurses whenever I could. They say I
always had a smile and made friends, helped other kids that were more
sick than me. I even lived in a plastic bubble for two months when I was
two. I was very disciplined very young, couldn 't cross the line of the
bubble, don't eat food unless a Doctor or parents say it is OK. By the
time I was 3 1/2 the Doctors told my parents they could do no more to
help me and that I may not live pass the age of 4. My parents took me
to Boston Children's Hospital, they got yelled at because they didn't
tell the Doctors I was so bad but then my parents told them that I
actually looked good compared to how I looked before. After two weeks at
BCH we were told that I was born with Colitis (not sure if it is true
but my parents were told I was one of the first in the world), a diet
plan was created and I was sent home. Only after I threw Chocolate ice
cream against the wall because a nurse insisted I had to eat it but she
was not my Doc or my parents. Remember at this point I was 3 1/2 and
still had not had food so it was foreign to me. When I was around 5 my
Colitis syntoms had cleared up for the most part and Doctors were able
to dx me with being born with Asmtha too.
I am sure you are
wondering what all the previous has to do with Autism. I may not
remember most of my childhood but everything I went thru left very
strong feelings about life in me. I was a child left out of things
because I was sick, I wasn't even allowed to join Blue Jays girls group.
I was picked on constantly because I was small and being a redhead
didn't help. So I can relate to the left out feeling my boys get. I have
found that being persistant helped me a lot, Spending so much time in
the hospital I missed childhood interactions that most children get so
it took me a while to learn how to act. Not being allowed to play
outside so I wouldn't get sick set me behind in playground activities
but I worked thru it with the help of others.
I think the
difference between the years I grew up and how things are handled now a
days will have a big inpact on how children will turn out in this day
and age. When I was alone on the playground, teachers encouraged other
children to play with me. That is not done in schools today, it seems to
be every kid for himself. When I was little and there was a birthday
party the whole class was invited, now a days it is not and kids are
left out. It really seems that the adults and parents encourage kids to
seperate from those that are different. When I grew up good manners
& behavior were excepted of children, and that does not happen in a
lot of families these days. Manners is taught and hoped for but not
demanded, kids don't have a good understanding of consequences now a
days.
My boys may have Autism but I will not let that be an
excuse for bad manners or behavior.We are very strict with the boys but
understanding as well. Lately some have told me I pushed them too hard,
that I should not be so strict. But my gut tells me I am right and that
the boys will benefit from learning how to have manners & behave
properly. I see many posts in support groups where parents say it is not
thier child's fault, it there ASD making them act that way. I know a
lot of parents with ASD children don't believe in discipline but I don't
think like that. I believe dicipline is extremely important to an ASD
child, I believe that even if their ASD is behind the bad behavior that
the child still needs to learn the proper way to act.
I may
have said this before but I take a lot of what I do with the boys from
the Helen Keller story. I have had many "dining room" scenes with the
boys. Those types of things is how Helen's teacher helped Helen overcome
her obstacles. I believe that if you settle with what you think your
child can do, then that is all they will do. As Helen parents gave Helen
candy to keep her quiet but it was not productive to helping her learn
manners. If you make excuses why your child can't do something then you
child never will be able to do it. Helen's parents made many excuses for
her behavior and it did not change until they hired Helen's teacher. If
my parents listened to the RI doctors, I would have died by the age of
4, but they research and pushed Doctors and I am turning 41 in April.
I am very strict with my boys, I push them thru their OCDs, I make them
try new foods, I demand manners & proper behavior & I give them
all the love the world has to offer to encourage them. I believe in
trial & error and have failed many times in some trials but it is
important to keep trying because something will work. I am finding that
a lot of parents with Autistic Children don't feel the same way as me
which is fine, we are all allowed to have our own views. But I tend to
feel alone because my views are different.
I feel my ways
are working because I can take my boys shopping, to the mall, our to
dinner and other outings. But when others ask me for help they think my
ways are completely wrong because I am too strict. I am not sure what is
right or wrong but I think as long as things are safe then just about
everything is worth trying.
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