It has been almost three weeks since my heart attack scare. I have been reevaluating many things in my life, one thing I have sadly realized through that scare is that there are many I thought were friends, are not. While Social Media is a great tool to connect with people & to network. It is also a way to see how people who are always to busy for you, have time for others which leaves a person feeling unwanted. I have dealt with this for a long time and tell myself to stop reading into things and it will be fine. Then you spend the day in the hospital, only one friend calls to check on you and only a handful of friends checks in on your via social media. While I know I was not able to call everyone when it happened, there were many posts about the scare both on my personal page & business page as posting was the easiest way to update. Even if put that scare aside, that time opened my eyes to see that some just never have time for me.
In order to keep my heart healthy I have to make some changes to bring down my stress level. One thing I have realized is that I am always ready to help people that I think are my friends but then when I really need a night out or something, no one is around. I have written a couple of blogs about my struggles with friendships over the years and for a while I thought things had changed but in the past few weeks I have realized it hasn't but it needs too.
I am very understanding that people are busy and so am I but I try to make time for those I consider a friend, yet from many that is not the case for me. Which is really hard as it has been a really hard year. I think there is only one person that knows how hard it has been and she is my true friend. The stress of being a Married SINGLE mom is weighing on me, feeling my shop is not good enough because most locals won't shop here, issues with the kids, spending day after day by myself with the only adult interaction takes place online and the most recent was at Thanksgiving dinner everyone showed up to eat and then left, spent 90% of the day alone with the kids then my inlaws stated they would not be coming over for Christmas dinner because Mike's Aunt is coming up. I had previously said that she was invited to come too but she wants my FIL to cook for her. Now many would think we could all have dinner at their house, no we have only been invited for dinner there once since we moved. That was last Christmas when we expressed that we wanted to have dinner with Mike's sister.
I will be making many changes with the coming year, one thing is that I am going to become a little selfish by not spending time on others that never have time for me. This is going to be extremely hard for me as I have always been a people pleaser but I NEED to do it for my sanity. Only time will tell where this goes.....
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