'The Big Picture of Childhood Obesity' (original date 815/2012)

With schools starting in the South and other getting ready to start school, School food programs are in the media again. I feel that most of these school food programs are wasting money as they only work on one part of the problem. Childhood obesity will not change until people look at the 'Big Picture' of the problem. Childhood obesity not not just about food, it is about less activity and kids not registering that they are full.
Sensory Issues - I am sure some of you are confused about my statement 'not registering being full.'   Many kids today to not register certain sensory input as many adults do. For example when Karl was two he loved the taste of Hot Sauce. He didn't love it because it tasted good to him, he loved it because he was able to taste something. Karl did not taste food, feel pain or register being full, for him it was from his Autism. For other kids I think it has more to do with eating processed foods and a sort of addiction sets in for those carbs. So a child wants to keep eating and does not register being full. For Karl we gave him fish oil which helped open his receptors allowing him to taste, feel pain and understand that he was full.
Playing Outside - My mother used to say that I needed to allow my daughter (now 23) to be a kid. She never understood that Society is the reason kids can no longer be kids. When I was young, I was allowed to walk 5 blocks to a friends house, walk to school, have a paper route, be outside in my yard without my parents watching me every moment. Back then everyone thought is was safe - WRONG - I am a survivor of Sexual Abuse from a neighbor & a baby sitter. So I do not allow my children outside useless I can watch them, they are not allowed to walk to friends or school. Now add that many homes have two working parents, kids have to stay inside more which leads to less activity.
Gym & Sports - Budget cuts are causing more & more schools to cut sports programs. This means that instead of practicing sports and being active they are going home. Since parents are busy then they are not allowed outside for safety reasons.
Foods - Since parents are working so much there is less time to cook so many parents buy foods based on ease & speed. This means they are buying processed foods which are unhealthy. They are not trying to make their kids fat they are trying to survive during a bad economy. You can teach kids about healthy eating all you want but if it does not fit into the reality of their life, it s not helping them at all. It will waste more money that could go towards sports programs.
I am all for schools teaching kids healthy choices but I feel that the government & schools are putting to much money and time into healthy foods at school. Parents need to be responsible for their children's choices and if I want to reward my son with a candy bar in his lunch I should be allowed. Parents have to take responsibility for their child's food choices. I understand times are hard but when I was a single Mother working three jobs, I still managed to feed my daughter a balanced diet.  Government & Schools need to put more money into more gym classes, sports programs and after school activities (key word being Active).
Balance - Society needs to focus more on balancing life and stop looking for the fast route to getting things done.

I Miss You Dad!!!!! (7/28/2012)

Twenty Five years ago I graduated from High School (summer school) in the morning, my Father was not feeling well so he told me to go out  with friends for lunch, I  came home to change to go start my new job at Sears. Upon leaving my Father & I talked about how we would go out for lunch on Thursday because his stomach was hurting. He gave me a pen & told me that I would be the one to make it. I laughed saying how my sister was so much smarter than me. He agreed but said my common sense was more important than her book smarts. My last words to my Father was "Oh Dad, I Love You" He gave me a hug & kiss and I left for work at 4:30pm.
At 7:30pm I was called out of work to go to the Hospital. On the way at a stop light I heard the end of a song "I will see you again with the lights go down."  ( I still have no idea what song it is) I knew at that moment my Father had passed away, my heart hurt more than words can explain. My Father was my rock, he was the one person who loved me for me and I had been at his side for ten years taking care of him, As I write this I am crying as though it just happened as I miss him everyday. My Donald who is named after my Dad is looking so much like my Dad,  Karl has my Father's creativity & Kyle has his charm and temper. It pains me that he never got to meet Karissa & the boys, he would adore them so much.  Losing the ONE person in my life that believed in me was the hardest and still is the hardest thing for me,  I would give anything to get a hug from him.
I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elections Bring Out The Worst in Society!!!!! (original date 7/272012)

I wish this election was over, the 'HOT' topics are just dividing people. I wish everyone would just agree that we live in America, we are free to make our choices and not have businesses, government, churches and others judge us for our choices. All the ads about Gay Marriage & Abortion (pro & against) are wrong, it is non of my business what someone chooses. I do not choose my friends based on their beliefs but I do not like having others beliefs forced upon me. I grew up being outcasted by my Mother & Sisters for being me, for sticking to my beliefs and my morels. I never judged them for theirs but I was judged everyday. When I was a teen then was a Donahue show about abortion. Talking with my Dad I said I can understand a woman getting an abortion if she was raped or would die from continuing the pregnancy. When my Dad went outside my Mother looked at me and said "I despise you and wish I had had an abortion when I was pregnant with you."  In any topic like the above there is NEVER one perfect answer that fits everyone. We are ALL individuals that have different lives and different reasons, our choices are our choices for our reasons.
Everyday of my life for the past 7 years has been about Autism Acceptance so my boys will be including in Society. When will Society just let people be who they are & accept them, stop judging and STOP ENCOURAGING THE GOVERNMENT TO MAKE LAWS PREVENTING OUR FREEDOM OF CHOICE!!!!!!!!!
It is my choice to choose my friends!!
It is my choice to Embrace Autism!!!
It is my choice to have Gay Friends and want them to be happily married!!!
It is my choice to raise my children 'old school' style!!
It is my choice to allow others to make decisions on their own!!!!
It is my choice to be a helpful neighbor!!!!
It is my choice to treat Toll Booth attendants with Hot Chocolate or ice water!!!
It is my choice to help strangers!!!
It is my choice to give my children vaccines!!!
It is my choice to vote for Obama!!!!
It is my choice what my children eat at school!!!
It is my choice to choose my values, morals and battles!!!
It is my choice to think 'out of the box'!!!!
The MOST important - IT IS MY CHOICE TO BE ME!!!!!

Different Perspective (original date 7/24/2012)

The is a lot of controversy over Joe Scarborough's comments about the tragedy in Aurora. Just about every blog or article about the comments had the following that is in blue.
"As soon as I hear about this shooting, I knew who it was. I knew it was a young, white male, probably from an affluent neighborhood, disconnected from society — it happens time and time again. Most of it has to do with mental health; you have these people that are somewhere, I believe, on the autism scale," said Scarborough, whose son has Asperger's syndrome. "I don't know if that's the case here, but it happens more often than not. People that can walk around in society, they can function on college campuses — they can even excel on college campuses — but are socially disconnected."
I found it interesting that the following comments in red were left out of many blogs & articles.
"I have a son with Asperger's who is loved by everybody in his family and who is wonderful. But It is what it is for  those who may not have a loving family and a support group and may be a bit further along on the autism spectrum.”
If you have read my previous blogs or know me then you know that I do not always think or feel the same way as many in the Autism Community. I tend to think out of the box and/or look at the big picture of things said or done. When I first saw many posts with anger about Joe's comments, I was angry by what I read. This  lead me to watch the video and I found that he had said more and I was not angry anymore and I can agree with some of his comments. Please read on before getting upset.
We all raise our children differently & we all have different feelings about Autism and different techniques to help our children. I embrace Autism, I am very strict, we are structured, push my boys through the quirks & OCD behavior and lots of love. I believe in balance in raising all my children and my boys are raised the same way their NT sister was raised. Many feel I am wrong to discipline the boys because they have Autism but I know it is helping them with the reality of life and helping them understand the expectations of Society. I do not allow Autism to be an excuse for bad behavior or for meltdowns, they are taught to redirect and work through the meltdown. I do this because the reality of it is that they would be fired from a job for a meltdown. Now there are many parents who do not discipline or discipline differently, there are parents that give there child anything they want to keep them happy and there are parents that live in denial and just push their child through life without helping them.
This is where Joe's comments come from, now I do feel he could have chosen better words, but his point is true. Children that have parents that go through the motions, pushing the child with Autism to the side and just gives them  things to the child to keep him/her quiet are not getting the love & support they need. Any child raised like this tends to have anger issues and can be violent, if you add Autism to the situation it will make things worse. Remember that that early intervention was not used as often or at all  as it is today and a young adult could be a ticking time bomb. Now I do not know the shooter nor do I have an opinion if he is on the spectrum, this blog is about Joe's comments and how I can understand what he was trying to say even if his wording was wrong.

Going Out (original date 3/16/2012)

With my boys we desensitize them to sensory issues & OCD behavior. We do not allow them to use electronics unless they are in the car or waiting room. We feel electronics encourage kids with Autism to avoid socializing in public.  We bring sensory items to help them regulate during our activity which varies depending on the activity.
Before we go into a store, restaurant or event - We set the expectation for the behavior, let them know their reward if they follow the rules & what their consequences are if they break the rules.  Always have a small treat in mind for when the behave. Store - they can get a candy bar at the register, restaurants dessert if they behave & eat their dinner, having small toys or books in the trunk after a larger event.
Stores - Bring snack & drink and have them help me find items. When Karl had a lot of trouble being around people & was a runner - We got him a stuff animal leash backpack & I sewed a 1lb weight in it so he could regulate.
Church - bring weighted lap pad, ear muffs, books, snack & drink.
Baseball & Basketball Games - Weighted lap pad, baseball hat, ear muffs, sunglasses, snacks and activities like small toys & books.
I keep a Sensory Bag in the Trunk at all times, plus have a car organizer with snacks & books filled at all times. You never know when you have an unexpected stop.
We bring a time out spot with us everywhere, when they start to have a meltdown over something we try to redirect them. If they cannot/will not redirect we give them a choice - choose the redirect activity (varies depending on child & where we are) or they get a time out. I know many feel time out are wrong or don't work with kids on the spectrum but when done like this it helps them a great deal. I am not demanding to them that they do what I want them to do. I am giving them a choice of doing what I want them to do or a time out. Giving them the choice makes them feel that they are in control and it helps them make the right decision. With time they begin to redirect all on their own and can handle many sensory situations. There can always be something that can come up when you least expect it but the more they overcome the better they will handle new things.
When I am handling the boys Sensory Issues, OCD behavior or quirks, I think to myself how each will affect him as an adult. Will he be able to act like that & keep a job? Will he eat enough when living by himself?? Will he be able to go shopping for himself??  Desensitizing & redirecting them helps them handle things life will throw at them.
When doing anything with our kids the beginning is always hard, just be consistent each & every time and it will get easier each time you are out. Never break the #1 rule - if they do not behave  - do NOT give them a reward. Start off with small time frames & increase each visit.

My Husband (original date 1/30/2012)

My Husband - Mike is an undx Aspie which can make things very hard on me because we have three boys with Autism. Kyle 3.5 HFA, Karl 5 ASD & Donald 10.5 AS, which means I am solo, I can't say solo for being Typical because I have always said that I am NOT normal and don't want to be normal. Since Mike was never dx at a young age he is learning along with the boys on many Autism quirks. Things that causes frustration for me is that Mike has NO common sense, no sense on time importance, no understanding of the boys structure and he can remember every history fact but cannot remember simple instructions. To add to things he is a trucker and only home 4-6 days a month. Needless to say it is up to me to do just about everything. A few months ago we had our third argument in almost 12 years about him dismissing things I say because I am not 'book smart' just like our son Donald does to me. I am the Arts person with common sense & street smarts. Since that argument he has really stepped up his game. I actually enjoyed his last vacation home, he even learned to make me eggs, bacon & toast for breakfast.
Recently Mike got a gmail account & we just linked our calendars together. When reviewing I saw that he had a date highlighted. March 9, the day my miscarried son/daughter would have been born, he/she would have been 14 this year. My heart melted as he told me that he always wants to remember to be gentle with me on that day. I so wish he was home because I fell in love with him all over again.
It really shows that you are never to old to learn new things. He has really showed me that he does love me and cares about my feelings, he just does it in a different manner. I just hope his next step is to plan a romantic date night for us:):) Valentines Day in a couple of weeks Handsome. Hint, hint, hint!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU HANDSOME :)

Teammates (original date 2/1/2012)

For children with Autism being a a Team can be the hardest thing for them as they normally like to be alone. It is especially hard on Sports Teams as they are dealing with Sensory Issues, Social Issues and trying to learn the game. Last year we took a chance and let Donald play Basketball, many thought I was crazy but Donald wanted to play so we tried.  His coach was amazing with Donald, he did what he could to learn & understand Autism and was big on Teamwork and Good Sportsmanship. Donald's teammates accepted him, no questions asked, they cheered him, encouraged him and were friends with him. When Donald got his first Basket during a game you would have thought we won the World Series with the cheering that took place from players, coaches and parents, I cried with pride.
Fast forward to this season, new coach, new level difficulty and all new players does not make for an easy start to Donald's second year.  Donald was struggling more and with his nerves more quirks were visible, the coach and  other players did not know him or understand him. I offered to be assistant coach as there was not one already.  As most of you know my parenting techniques are out of the box so of course so will my coaching techniques. I tend to take a backseat and observe as that is how I learn how to teach/coach kids. I would suggest things to the coach as I saw things but did things slowly to earn their trust that I do know a thing or two about Basketball even though I am a girl. LOL  I tried to bring up what I was noticing about tunnel vision of players and how players cannot get better if they are not passed the ball.  Coach's way to handle it was different from what I wanted to do so I took a step back. The last thing I wanted was to be thought of as a Mom that wants to overprotect my son when what I wanted was teamwork by ALL  players. Well it got to the point I could not watch Donald be outcasted and Donald said he wanted to quit but would continue in hopes things would change.  Last week's game Donald was not passed the ball once and only passed the ball a few times at practice.  Then last night there was a Youth Night at the High School Game, kids were to wear their team shirts and sit together. Donald and I went early to watch the Jr Varsity game, as some of Donald's teammates came in they barely said Hi to him and did not sit with him. So I decided a new approach was needed, a direct approach.
I talked with most of the team while Donald watch another game. I told them I had a question for them and that I wanted them to answer honestly. We all talked about an honest answer verses a polite answer and how they were not to answer the question until they all talked and decided as a team. I asked them if they wanted Donald on the team, I told them that it is fine if their honest answer was no, that Donald would go on another team to play. I explained to them that if they wanted him on the team then they need to include him in games & practices. I explained that I am not asking them to be Donald's friend as they have shown they have no interest in being his friend and that is OK. I told them that we all know Donald is not the best player but he is trying so hard and we talked about how much Donald practice during vacation. We talked about how they treated him at the game last night and how would they feel if they were treated that way. They agreed it wasn't very nice. I explained to them that I know Donald acts a little quirky and does quirky things, then I explained that Donald has Asperger's a form of Autism and he can't always control his quirks but he tries. (I did not go into detail about his Asperger's)  I asked them to make an honest decision, that if it was no then let Donald go and not give a polite answer of yes then ignore him on the court again.
I stepped away and let the boys talk. There was no complaining, sighs or negativity. They were all charged up talking about ways they could make things work and came up with a plan on their own. They came to me and told me their honest answer was yes they wanted him on the team. That they would try to get it so Donald would touch the ball at least ten times a game. I was so PROUD of them for not only making a good decision but to create a plan all on their own to backup their decision.
The Team played a GREAT Game!!!!!  They really worked as a Team and it paid off as we had our first WIN of the Season:) Donald got his first basket of the season and his teammates were so proud of him. They saw that he has been working hard to improve and that he just needed to get the ball to do it. I saw more teamwork today than I have seen all season.
I AM SO PROUD OF THE TEAM!!!!!